


It Can't Rain All The Time

by blank1980



Category: Niam - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Narry - Freeform, Niam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:07:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7298941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blank1980/pseuds/blank1980
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was raining when Liam met him and it was raining when Niall left him. It can't rain all the time, but when it does, it pours... </p><p>or the one where 6 or 7 years after One Direction's hiatus, we find Liam is living in L.A. as a successful songwriter and producer. And Niall reappears after a supposed disappearance. And they get caught up in the pouring rain...again. But where was Niall? What was he doing all those years? And will he ever love Liam again (love him again)? </p><p>Note: This was my very first fanfic and you can also find it (and me) on Wattpad under the same name. :) Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Missing Half of Me When We're Apart

Liam woke up in a strange bed next to a trashy blond with perfect little hips and perky, plastic tits, just like every other cookie-cutter, waitress/actress in Los Angeles.  He looked and noticed that she was wearing nothing but an old, faded One Direction concert t-shirt and panties from Victoria's Secret, that she thought passed for expensive lingerie. The air is thick with the smell of cigarettes, cheap perfume and sex. And Liam's skin is hot, his mouth is dry and his mind is filled with regrets. He quietly got out of ermm..Veronica? Victoria? Jennifer? Alison! Yeah, Alison's bed and headed to the bathroom.

The last thing Liam wanted was to spend the night with another cheap blond, but he couldn't help it when he got that craving after too many glasses of bourbon, when he could close his eyes and see his face, smell his scent and feel Niall's tongue licking and tasting every part of his body. He felt no pleasure in it, but if he could just fuck away the pain of losing Niall, if he could run his fingers through strands of blond hair and imagine her eyes were his baby blues, then maybe he could finally feel at peace. Maybe he could finally move on. But somewhere deep inside of him, he knew he never could...not since the day Niall vanished from Liam's life.

The funny thing about missing someone is that you start to see them everywhere you turn. It was like that the first year Niall left. Anything and everything would remind Liam of Niall. The first few days were the hardest on Liam, and when it seemed as if he was getting better, something would pull him right back down deep into the darkness. He tried calling Niall, but his number had changed. He tried emailing him, but he had changed his email address. The more Liam wanted him, the more Niall slipped away. All that was left was the memories and the ghost that Niall left behind inside of Liam's heart.

Sure he's had relationships since Niall left, but he never felt as comforted or as at peace as he was with Niall. Niall loved him, but Liam was too worried about what people thought of him, how it would affect his career. He loved Niall, he did, he does, but he never fully let himself fall into Niall and let him truly (madly, deeply) love him.

Liam closed his eyes and envisioned Niall's bright, baby blue eyes, his soft, smooth milky white skin and his perfect, full, pink lips -- lips that kissed and sucked on his member before shows. Lips that secretly kissed his own and explored his body in the privacy of their shared hotel rooms. He could almost feel the soft matte of blond hair between his fingers and hear the intoxicating way the younger boy would moan his name as he came completely undone for Liam. That last thought made his member ache and twitch.

Liam stepped into the shower and let the warm drops of water clean more than just his skin; he imagined it cleansed every part of him... every part that hurt and every part that was broken.

In the five years since the band split, Liam had become a talented and respected songwriter/producer. He travelled around the world a lot, but his home base was here in L.A. Liam had just come back to L.A. after a recording session with a singer in London to meet with some producer who was in town for a couple of weeks.

Liam turned the shower off and dried off. He threw on a white fitted t-shirt and jeans. He tip-toed out of the bathroom, gathered the rest of his things and left the apartment and didn't bother to wake up Alison... What was the point? She got to sleep with ex-boyband singer Liam Payne, wasn't that enough?

Liam stepped into the late afternoon sun and felt the thick, smoggy air seep into his lungs. He put the keys in the ignition and started to drive down Ocean Avenue. Liam turned on the radio as he continued to drive, with no real destination in mind.  " _Can you believe it's been five years since the most successful boyband of all time released Made in the A.M.? Keep your radio tuned here 'cuz for the next two hours we'll be playing One Direction's biggest hits and fan favorites. AND debuting the first single off of Harry Styles' second album, due out in March! AND the single was produced by none other than former bandmate Liam Payne! Rumor has it the pair have been working on tracks in the past few months and Harry has gone on record stating that this album will be full of surprise guest musicians he's always wanted to work with. But first this is Drag Me Down."_

Liam helped Harry produce tracks off of his second album and though it had been a long time since they had worked together, it really didn't feel like much time had passed. What Liam wouldn't admit to Harry is that part of him hoped that he'd get information on Niall's whereabouts.

Liam turned the radio up and sang along to the chorus of Drag Me Down and that's when he saw him. Liam swore it must have been a mirage, but there standing in front of Cora's Coffee was THE Niall James Horan, in the flesh. Liam, hit the brakes hard, nearly hitting the car in front of him. It couldn't be Niall, it must be someone who _looks_ like Niall.

Liam turned the radio down, parked his car and sat looking out the window, examining the man who was wearing Niall's signature black skinny pants, a tight white t-shirt, and aviator sunglasses. His hair was no longer blond, but rather his natural shade of brown and laid flat on his forehead, not in the spiky poof Liam was used to seeing. Liam got out of his car and walked over to the man, took a deep breath and tapped him on the shoulder, "Ni..Niall?" The younger boy turned around, took off his sunglasses and knew exactly who he'd see standing there: Liam.

**_~ And it was raining when I met you and when it rained, it poured and washed over me like a baptism. And you were pure and I was sober and we were young and wild and our hearts were carefree. ~_ **

Niall was about to speak, but Liam quickly scooped the smaller boy up into his arms. "Niall, Niallllll... It's you, it's really you. It's..YOU." he said, breathing, in his scent, a scent as familiar as his own. "Liam, Liammm! You're hurgffting, hurting me!" Niall giggled slightly as Liam released him from his death grip.  "Oh, sorry! Sorry...it's just. I just had to check to see if you were, well real." Liam said, furrowing his brow. "I'm real." Niall said softly, straightening his shirt and putting his sunglasses back on, "It was good to see you Liam, I'll see you around," the younger boy said before picking up a guitar case, slinging a knapsack over his shoulder and walking away.

There was no way Liam was going to let Niall walk out of his life _again._ "No, Ni." he said gripping Niall's right wrist with one of his large, strong hands. "Li, don't cause a scene." "Niall, please... let's just go somewhere and, I dunno catch up? Please?" Liam said. Niall looked up at those big, golden brown puppy dog eyes and sighed. "Sure." Niall couldn't say no to those eyes, and while he was weary of seeing Liam again, he missed him. He missed his scent, his strong arms, the way his full lips kissed him, trailed down his neck, making every spot Liam kissed warm and tingl...no. "S _top it, Niall,"_ he thought to himself, " _you know why you left. Liam gets an hour tops and then you're off to see Harry and Louis."_

Both boys walked back to Liam's car and sat in silence until Liam got the courage to ask Niall what he swore he wouldn't ask him if he ever saw Him again. "I thought that I would see you at the Brit awards, but you didn't show. I was holding on to that hope... The hope that I would see you, even if just for a moment. Just one moment so I could have told you what I had intended to do that night...the night you left. That night...You said I wasn't going to change. You said that you didn't even know me anymore. I..I've spent 5 years wondering...I spent sleepless nights, going over it all in my head and...Are you, are you even listening to me, Niall?" Liam looked over at Niall, who had his head rested on the car window, his lips were parted and his face was relaxed. Liam half-smiled to himself, Niall had fallen asleep and some part of Liam, deep inside, was relieved that Niall hadn't heard a single word Liam had said. Liam tentatively inched his pinkie finger and hooked it with Niall's. It was a small touch, but it was something.

Liam turned into a lot and parked the car. He looked over at Niall, still sleeping peacefully and spoke softly in his ear, "Ni, we're here... wake up lov...wake up, Niall." Niall shivered slightly, at the feeling of Liam's warm breath on his neck and the sound of his perfect voice. Niall hoped Liam didn't notice; he had to stay strong and not let Liam James Payne back into his heart, not after years away and time spent traveling the world to find out who he is, who he _truly_ is without One Direction, and without Liam. There were only two people who knew where Niall was; Louis and of course Harry.

Harry was Niall's rock and his comfort. Harry was always there for him for a hug or a cuddle and spent many nights with Niall, where all he did was hold him, let him cry, sang to him as silly or cliché as that is, but it meant so much to Niall.

**_-Flashback: December 2015 Los Angeles, California-_ **

_After the interviews and the parties, Niall went back to the hotel, barely tipsy and still high on adrenaline with Harry laughing behind him. Niall grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him in close. "Harry? Can I stay with you tonight? I can't fool myself into thinking that seducing Liam and spending the night with him is a good idea or even think that he will show up like he promised. I can't let my heart keep breaking over him, Harry. I can't" Harry looked down into Niall's perfect baby blue eyes, nodded and wrapped an arm securely around Niall's broad shoulders. How could he say no?_

_And that night the soft words of comfort became soft kisses on each other's lips and quickly escalated into a fervent make-out session -- Harry's soft touches induced more than just comfort, they inspired and urged the two men to move closer. When tiny sparks set their bodies on fire and there were no more words left to be spoken and there was no need to know where lust ends and where desire begins._

_Niall's lips moved in sync with Harry's and he welcomed the feeling of Harry's tongue working its way inside of his warm, wet mouth. Niall felt Harry pull him closer to his body and Niall could smell the Hugo Boss cologne, mixed with mint and lavender shampoo. It was warm and familiar, comforting and sexual.  Niall could feel Harry's erection pressed up against his own and mindlessly undulated his hips teasingly until he felt Harry's hands press Niall's hips into his own, not wanting to break contact with him._

_Niall let out a deep, guttural moan at the feeling of Harry pressed up so close to him and for the first time, in a very long time, Niall let go...he let Harry take care of him, he let Harry run his fingertips over his cheeks, over his lips...he closed his eyes and enjoyed his touches. Harry pulled his lips away, "Is..is this okay Niall? I have..I kind of always wanted to be this close to you." "Harry," Niall whispers, "Just kiss me, just touch me... make me feel loved, even if it's not real, lie to me." "Hey, look at me, It's not fake, babe, let me show you, let me love you tonight." Harry said. Niall put both of his hands on Harry's cheeks and gazed deeply into his eyes. "Harry, I'm broken. He broke me...I.." "Shhhh. I can't fix you all in one night, but if you'll let me, I'll show you what it's supposed to feel like...what love feels like." Harry said while stroking his hands down Niall's back and traveling down to his ass, gently cupping it in his hands. This made Niall smile and press his lips back on Harry's own soft lips. Harry deepened the kiss and gave Niall's ass another firm squeeze._

_Niall wasted no time and unbuttoned Harry's shirt, revealing the lines and shapes and colors of his many tattoos. Niall pulled off Harry's shirt and pressed the palm of his right hand up against the butterfly on Harry's chest, feeling the beating of his heart. Harry rested his hand on top of Niall's before lifting his shirt off, and tossed it aside. "Relax baby, let me take care of you," Harry whispered. Harry gently rolled Niall onto his back, flipped his long hair to the side and straddled the blond's waist, making sure to press his long, erection up against Niall's, teasingly moving up and down Niall's length. Niall let out a small moan as he closed his eyes. Harry smiled and leaned forward to place kisses all along Niall's milky white flesh. The contrast between Niall's milky white skin and Harry's tan, complexion was striking...light on dark. Niall felt Harry's long curls slowly slither and snake down his chest as his lips moved lower and lower, until Harry was kissing the top of Niall's pants._

_"I don't think you'll need these anymore tonight, babe," Harry giggled. The younger boy slowly removed Niall's pants and ever so slowly pulled down his boxers to reveal, the blond's glorious, hard length. Harry licked his lips and let his fingers trace up and down Niall's length. Niall let out a soft moan at the feeling of Harry's fingertips stroking and teasing his erection. Harry slowly slid his pants off and crawled in between Niall's legs, and with one quick movement, Harry's mouth surrounded the sensitive head of Niall's enormous erection. Niall's eyes shot open and a loud moan escaped his lips. "Oh Harry...I...ohhh." "Shhhh baby, just lay back and if I'm this good with my mouth, imagine what I can do with my cock." Harry teased. Niall gulped and arched his back encouraging Harry to move his mouth lower and lower onto his cock. Harry found a steady rhythm that kept Niall right on the edge of sweet release. Niall whimpered and moaned as Harry worked him over with his exquisite mouth. Niall's fingers gripped and pulled at Harry's hair, but he didn't mind; all he cared about was Niall's pleasure._

_When he decided Niall could not stand anymore teasing, he removed his lips from Niall's perfect cock and moved his body up Niall's so that their erections were pressed up against one another. Niall writhed underneath Harry, needing more contact, desperate to cum for him, cum with him. Harry pressed his lips against Niall's, hard, passionately...lovingly. He felt his own hips moving with Niall's, as they dry humped each other like teenagers. It felt too good to stop and they were too far gone, too lost in one another's bodies to turn back now._

_"Harry. Fuck me. NOW." Niall said. Harry pressed a finger to Niall's lips, "No Niall, I'm not going to fuck you, I'm going to make love to you." Harry said. Niall looked up at the green-eyed boy and searched his eyes. He wanted to see some sign, something that would indicate that Harry was just using Niall's vulnerability as a way to get him into bed, but he quickly got rid of that thought. Harry wasn't like that. Harry didn't have any ulterior motives, he just had love._

_Niall let Harry set the pace. He let Niall lay back while he slowly entered him with such care and tenderness...Harry wanted to be able to make eye contact with Niall as he made love to him. Niall felt adored and beautiful, precious and sexy all at the same time. Harry's gentle rhythm, sweet kisses and caresses made Niall feel like he was drunk...drunk on Harry... and as Harry quickened the pace, making Niall squeal in pleasure, making Niall come completely undone, which made Harry orgasm hard and deep inside of Niall. Harry slowly pulled out, cleaned himself and Niall off and lay back beside him on the bed._

_It wasn't fucking or just sex, but more than a casual fling, it was Harry showing Niall love, showing Niall what lovemaking is supposed to feel like, what he deserves. And Harry loves Niall, he'd do anything for his little blond beauty. And though he knew that Niall's heart had Liam tattooed all over it, he at least had to try because if he gave Niall the love he truly deserved then maybe, just mayyyybe Niall would see Harry as more than just a best mate; he'd see Harry as his._

_"Oh Niall, what am I going to do with you," Harry said, pulling the small blond closer and kissing him on the forehead. "I just don't want you to stop yourself from loving someone new because you're pining over Liam, waiting for him to realize that he wants more than well, trouble up in hotel rooms and secret little rendezvous." "Harry," Niall laughed "You can't quote your own damn song lyrics and use it as advice!" Harry held him tighter, "Niall, you are worth so much more than that," he said running his fingers down Niall's angelic face. "You're perfect, baby, you're perfect." and they both laid back in fits of laughter. "But Niall, you can't go back, you can only move forward, and if that means that you need to get away from him, from this...from it all, then do it." Niall nodded slowly and wrapped Harry's arms tightly around him. And as Niall began to drift off to sleep, Harry whispered, almost imperceptibly, "I love you, Niall, more than you know."_

_- **End of Flashback-**_

Liam leaned in closer to Niall and ever so slightly moved his fingertips to push a strand of brown hair away from Niall's closed eyes and slowly ran his hands down to his shoulder. Niall gently woke-up, slowly opening his eyes and was met Liam's golden brown orbs. For a brief moment, gold met blue and they both thought that everything they wanted to say, needed to say didn't need to be spoken, just as long as they could drown in each other's perfect eyes. But they both snapped back into reality and Liam quickly moved his hand from Niall's shoulder and said, "Let's walk on the pier." _"Oh great, Santa Monica,"_ Niall thought, _"Why did Liam have to take me here?"_

**_~ And it was raining the night you said you left, and when it rained, it poured like the tears streaming down your soft, perfect cheeks and I was drunk and you were sober and we weren't kids anymore; we were broken. ~_ **


	2. Santa Monica/Walk Away

 

 _With so many people_  
_to love in my life_  
_Why do I worry about one?_

Niall stepped out of the car and into the sticky, salty ocean air. The late afternoon sun hung low as it made its droopy descent into the night sky. Niall looked over at Liam as they walked the length of the pier towards the Pacific Ocean. Liam had his head down and his hands in his pockets, and Niall knew the boy was crinkling his forehead, thinking hard about the situation they now find themselves in.

"So... Liam, why are we _here_?" Niall said, "This isn't exactly... I mean, it's like returning to a crime scene. I mean, we could just get some ice cream and call it a day!" Niall laughed, but Liam wasn't in the mood to laugh. Liam wanted answers, answers to questions he's been asking for over 5 years. He wants to  know why Niall left so abruptly and why Harry became the light in Niall's eyes, when that was his job, that was Liam's job to turn his eyes into blue flames.

Liam stopped walking, turned and placed his elbows on the railing, looking out into the ocean and sighs. Niall lets out a breath and tentatively placed a hand on Liam's left shoulder as they both look out into the ocean, unsure of what to say, thinking that maybe there are some words that are better left unsaid.

"What brings you to L.A.?" Liam asks, keeping his eyes on the ocean. "When did you get here...does Harry know?" Liam takes in a breath, "I mean, are you here to see Harry?" Niall takes his hand off of Liam's shoulder, shrugs and join's the older boy in leaning up against the railing. "I am here to see Harry. He asked me to play on his new album and I wrote a few tracks for him. I arrived in L.A. this morning and I just didn't want to make a big thing of it. Harry is the star."

Harry is Niall's star and when he needed a light to guide him, when darkness clouded his troubled mind, Harry was there to show him the way back home. Harry didn't think twice about getting on a plane when Niall couldn't sleep for days on end or when he broke down in tears, desperate to see Liam. And when Harry asked Niall to go on tour with him because he was nervous about being out on his own, Niall didn't hesitate and was there to be his support system and cheerleader. **(No, he didn't wear a cheerleading uniform, gentle readers!)**

Liam could feel his anger rising, "I saw you. I know you don't know that I did, but I saw you. That night when I didn't come to the hotel until early morning, I looked for you. I saw you and I saw Harry." Liam raised his voice, "I saw the way he held you, the way he touched you so...lovingly. You were so close to Harry, you might as well have been one person!"

"Liam, you have no right to get angry with me! You weren't my boyfriend.  You didn't want to be, you made it very clear, not even in so many words, in your actions.... Just..Wh-Why.. Why are we doing this Liam? I'm not doing this again. As I said, I came back to L.A. to help Harry. Okay? I've spent the past 5 years roaming around the planet and doing the things you're supposed to do at our age. I wrote songs and produced music, but you know what? I wanted to be so far away from you, I used a false name. I dyed my hair brown and I used a fake American accent....if I absolutely HAD to see the artist I was working with." Liam started to laugh, hard. "Niall, that is..." "Liam what? Stop laughing!" "Niall, that is so you. That is SO you. Of course you'd do that." Liam said. "Oh and you know what Payno? Some of my tracks were #1 hits in multiple countries! " "Ouch!" Liam said putting his hands to his heart, "That stings!" Niall smiled and saw a small glimmer of the old Liam, the one he met over a decade ago. The Liam he shared a room with and talked until the wee hours of the morning. He would get ice cream with this Liam Payne... He really did want ice cream, but that really wasn't the point.

Niall shook his head, "And to answer your question, Liam, you didn't get it," Niall said, "You didn't understand. You never did because it was always about you and we can go another round on this merry-go-round of knives, but you know that you'll blame yourself, I'll blame me and we will both end up cut to shreds. We, no, not we Liam, I, **_I_** always did. It's not like it matters, we were never whole; we've always been broken. And even on good days, when it seemed like we could make it together... Just you and me against the world... We were still broken. I had dreams of us together because I wanted you and on our best days, that all seemed possible. But you never seemed to see that. I don't even think you cared. Maybe you didn't see or maybe you didn't want to see."

"Harry was there for me, when you weren't, when you couldn't be. Harry kept me sane when Zayn left and it felt like I was completely falling apart. He helped me through it and he gave me words to hold onto -- 'We all started this journey alone, but in the process found each other. We were lucky and learned so much, but one day it will be time for us to make our own destinies and walk with the lessons we've learned and the love we've been given.' And you know what Harry is like with his poetic advice!"

"You may have thought that sleeping with Harry was my way of getting back at you for not being in your hotel room when you said you would be that night, but it wasn't; it was solace. Because I could never get away from you. I could never stop myself from falling, from running to you, from pushing myself into the eye of hurricane Liam and getting swept up into the chaos. I was tired of it Liam."

"You don't love me, not the way I want you too. And I knew you never would. You wouldn't give me what I wanted, I wanted a proper relationship. I didn't want to be your convenient lover anymore. I didn't want to be the one who picked up all of your pieces when one of your trampy girlfriends broke up with you because you were on the road too much. You didn't love me, Liam," Niall closes his eyes and let's out the breath he didn't realize he's been holding in. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome, well... I didn't want to be crazy, Liam. And that night, when I searched everywhere for you, when I went looking for you because you ran off...when I found you right here, in the pouring rain. I kissed you like a man in love who was about to get his heart completely and totally broken into unfixable pieces because I loved you as deeply and completely as I ever could. And when you had tears running down your cheeks, it took every ounce of courage I had to walk away. But sometimes, you just have to walk away. And in order for me to preserve the few remaining parts of me that **_YOU_** didn't destroy, I left. And I didn't look back because I couldn't bear to look at you and your eyes filled up with tears."

**_-Flashback: December 2015 Los Angeles, California~_ **

**_Liam_ **

_It was early morning when Liam came back to the hotel, after a little too much bourbon and not nearly enough sleep. He opened the door to the room expecting to see Niall, but he was nowhere to be found. All Liam wanted was to lay his head on Niall's chest, let him stroke his hair and face the way that he always did and sleep for a thousand years in his arms. But he wasn't there. Liam padded over towards Harry's room, slipped the key card into the slot and slowly opened the door. The sun had already started to rise and greet the morning, while strands of light beamed through the window and shined onto Niall's face as he lay in Harry's bed. It wasn't unusual for Niall to sleep in Harry's bed, Niall was a sucker for a good cuddle and even Liam would admit that Harry was a good cuddler._

_Liam wanted to run his fingertips down Niall's jawline and onto his lips. He wanted to kiss him and wake him up and lift him in his arms and carry him off into the sunset and every other romantic cliché he could think of. If he was a prince, Niall should be his princess. And he intended to to make him his princess. He swore, he would, but the band, management...fans... they got in the way and messed with his head. And he'd say to Niall, that he swears he was going to change, that he was going to stop wanting, needing, craving Niall when it's half three in the morning....when he's high off of the crowd from that night's show or after many rounds of liquid courage, when he felt as if he could storm the gates of the castle, slay the dragon and rescue the beauty he takes for granted._

_Liam was lost and didn't know what he wanted anymore. Daddy Direction isn't supposed to be with Niall, the cute and cuddly one. The one constant in his life was Niall. Niall would never leave him and he was the heart and the light of the band. Niall was always there for him, no matter what -- even if it tore the blond up deep down inside._

_Harry stirred in his sleep and Liam noticed his bare tattooed chest pressed up against Niall's bare back, the air smelled of sex and Harry's cologne. And that's when he saw Niall laying there in all of his naked glory in the arms of Harry Styles, who wore a sleepy, dopey, loved-up grin on his face as he pulled the blond in tighter in his sleep. Harry was cuddled up against Niall and held him as if at any moment, he might escape from Harry's protective, loving embrace. Liam saw their clothes strewn about the floor and could paint the events of the evening clearly in his mind. Liam wanted to speak, wanted to pull Niall out of Harry's bed, but he just stood there, unable to move, with a lump in his throat preventing him from making a sound. He had to get out of there. He turned to make his way back to the door, tripped and ran off._

**_Niall_ **

_Niall woke up startled by the sound of Liam tripping. "Li...Liam?" Niall hopped out of bed, and quickly put on his clothes to run after Liam. "Niall, come back to bed. Please don't" Harry said, reaching out to grab Niall's arm. "Harry, you know I have to. I... I love him." Niall whispers, " I love him."  "I know babe," Harry said as he stood up, in all his naked glory, and pulled Niall in for a hug. The pair pressed their lips up against one another and Niall stroked Harry's cheek and the younger boy placed his hand on top of Niall's._

_"Niall, I love you. Please don't go... Don't go. Don't go after him. You think he's going to change, but he won't. You know what Liam's like," Harry begged. Niall pressed his forehead up against Harry's. "Harry, I love you too. I don't know what it means, I don't know what WE mean yet, but last night," Niall lowered his voice to a whisper, "It meant everything. But you know I have to go to him. And... And Harry, I have to do it... I have to leave. I have to leave him. I know I do. I have to because... oh Harry. Please don't make this any more difficult for me right now." Harry put both hands on Niall's, "Please." Harry said as he pressed his lips to Niall's in a deep kiss. Niall shook his head, hiding the tears that were forming in his eyes. "You you know I have to do this. You helped me realize that...that I wasn't being respected...that I was acting like a victim of domestic violence, who kept telling himself that's it okay because he loves me. No, I have to be strong and do this I have to go away. Bye Harry...for now. I know you'll always find me and I'll always be there for you. I just need to find myself." and Harry felt Niall's last fingertip slip out of his hands and he was gone..._

_...To the pier._

**_Harry_ **

_On the one hand, Harry knew that Niall would leave, knew that there would be that moment when Niall was ready to walk away and end things with Liam. It's a lot like smoking, you don't quit smoking until you're truly ready to quit... you can't just go cold turkey, you've got to mentally and physically commit to breaking the habit... for good._

_Harry looked out the window, when exactly did the sun turn into dark clouds and pouring rain? Everything looks and feels more dramatic in the rain, and Harry could only imagine what Niall was going to say to Liam, but whatever happens, Harry promised that he'd always be there for Niall...no matter what. Harry ran his fingers through his hair and picked up his phone, scrolled through his contacts and called the one person who would say and do the most ridiculous and immature things just to make someone laugh... Louis._

**_~ End of Flashback ~_ **

"Liam?" Liam's hands were in his hair and his head was down hiding the obvious tears that stained his stubbly cheeks. Niall let out a soft sigh and gathered Liam up in a gentle hug. Liam flinched in surprise, but eventually  melted into Niall's embrace. "I, I.." Liam started to sob harder. "You were wrong about one thing, Ni." "What was I wrong about?" Niall said as he put his hands on Liam's face, gently stroking away his tears. Liam opened his eyes, furrowed his brow and said "I always loved you. Always I... I it doesn't matter."

Niall stayed strong and held back the tears because even in this moment, after five years, Niall felt a deep love for the beautiful man in front of him with the chocolate eyes, resting in his arms. Niall held Liam and rocked him gently, let out a small whimper, cupped Liam's face in his hands and looked deeply into the boy's eyes; the big golden eyes he didn't realize he missed. Liam placed his hands on top of Niall's and felt a ring. _Niall never wears rings._ A silver Claddagh ring adorned Niall's left ring finger. Liam traced his finger over the crown, the hands and the heart facing outwards, which Liam knew to mean only one thing: Niall was engaged. Niall took his hands off of Liam's face. "I... I shouldn't have agreed to this. You shouldn't have found out this way, Liam. I.. I.." Both boys looked up as the dark sky opened up and the rain fell down...


	3. Where Does Your Lust End and Your Love Begin?

Liam grabbed a hold of Niall's hand, "C'mon, my flat isn't that far from the ocean, it'll be faster than grabbing the car." "O..okay, Liam, but.." Niall said, "Okay. Let's run!"

Liam pulled Niall through the front door of his flat. They were both soaked from the late evening rain and standing  inches apart from one another, breathless and wordless. "I know you want more answers."

"After my night with Harry, we tried to figure out what it was that we had between us. He was there for me, I was there for him and it was perfect really, but one night, we were laying in bed, cuddling and laughing. I was just holding him and telling him how even though he was going solo, he still had me and he had my support. It'll be different, sure, but he'll make it. We kissed and realized that as much as we love each other, as great as the sex is, and it was pretty damn grea..."

"Get to the point, Niall!" Liam huffed, which caused Niall to let out a quiet giggle. "We realized that our relationship isn't romantic; it's love and mutual respect -- it's like coming home and there is a deep comfort in that."

I...I didn't want you to find out about my engagement the way that you did, but... I guess I should explain a few things. I'm engaged...I..I mean, I was engaged t..to Tom Riley. No one knew about it nor could they know about it. It was a secret engagement. When I went on the European leg of Harry's tour, Tom was his lead guitarist and well... It just sort of happened. He didn't hesitate, he didn't hesitate when he asked me out. He just... Niall laughs, "We were on stage and I was rocking out with Tom, the way I would with Dan during our shows and he just leaned in and tucked a note into my back pocket, like we were primary school children passing notes in class. It was adorable and sweet and the note said, 'Do you like me? Circle yes or no.' I circled yes and put it back in his pocket. Later that night, after the show, he found me backstage and, well he pulled me in and kissed me. I just stood there staring at him and I'll never forget what he said to me, 'I've wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw THE Niall Horan with a guitar in one hand and a pint in the other. You were exactly how I thought you'd be, but your lips are softer in person.'"

**Author's Note: Tom is based loosely on my fiancé who passed away and a guy I've been casually dating. The kiss was something that DID happen to me ...It wasn't backstage, it was at a fancy "scotch-luck" party. He came up behind me and pulled me in....sighs. and yes, his last name is Riley. :)**

He laughed, 'tomorrow night, 7. I'll pick you up.'"

_Tom arrived at Niall's hotel room at 7 PM sharp. Niall appreciated the promptness. "You ready?" Niall said "Actually I was thinking we could have a picnic right here." "In my hotel room?" Niall raised his eyebrows and noticed the basket Tom had in his hands. "Well, I wanted you to know that I can do more than shred it on the guitar and sing with the voice of an angel." He laughed._

"On our first date, we talked all night and over time, we fell in love. He didn't take me for granted and he believed in me. He lifted me up and supported me. He knew about my feelings for you, and he was patient and strong and kind; to everyone, not just me. And when he proposed we knew it would be hard, but he made it easy..."

_"Bloody Hell! Niall love, stop fussing! We are going to be late and Harry HATES being late... Oh dear Lord!  Niall, you are the worst gay ever! The pocket square goes here and," Tom let out a small sigh, "your tie is all wrong! This is a vintage Dior suit, love!" Niall shrugged, "Why do I have to change and wear the bloody thing and hey! I'm not a bad gay! You're stereotyping and I won't have any of your lip, Mr. Riley!" "How about just my lips?" Tom said before wrapping his arms around Niall's waist and pulling him in for a deep kiss. "I love you, Niall and I want you to always remember that." Tom said with a sort of sadness to his voice that Niall didn't notice at the time. "Let's hurry up, yeah, you look wonderful." Niall said._

_They got in the car and Niall laid his head on Tom's broad shoulder. Tom was taller than Harry and had dark, dark hair and shiny green eyes. his lips were full and his skin was smooth, and he was freshly shaven. Niall looked out the car window, "Tom, this isn't the way to the event, where are we going?" "Shhh m'love, be patient, we've got to make a quick stop."_

_They pulled up to a canal and Tom asked Niall to go for a walk with him. "Tom, what is with you tonight? Are you okay?" "I'm better than I've been in a long time, love. It's funny when you think about life and where it takes you. How you really never know what's around the corner...I know people say that all the time, I know they think that thought all the time and then... They say, 'you always find someone when you're not looking for them' and I've found that to be true, Niall. I wasn't looking for you, but I found you and I wouldn't change a single thing. I could have toured with a number of artists, but I picked Harry because he was so exciting and fun to work with. And I remember the day you came on tour with us. You were so loud and excitable! I mean, You're Niall Horan, I've seen you in action! " Tom let out a nervous laugh._

_"Love, why are you telling me all of this? " Niall, just...go with it, okay? Shh." The taller boy kissed Niall's forehead and continued, "You fell in love, you loved, you left, you longed and you lived to love again...and in leaving and living, you found love. You found me. You started loving me, loving ME, Niall... Me. You love me! And I could hear you tell me those three words for the rest of my life and never get tired of hearing you say them! And that's just what I intend on doing." Tom lowered himself down on to one knee, never taking his eyes off of Niall's, takes his left hand and gently rubs his ring finger. "Niall James Horan, I'm at my best when I'm with you, even in the worst of times...I'm better with you. I love you with all that I am and all that I could ever imagine I'll ever be, forever and always. And if you agree to marry me, I promise you that there is nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy, to make you feel loved and to lift you up for as long as I live. Will you marry me, Niall?" "Yes, oh god....yes Tom. Yes" Niall says as he falls down to his knees, puts both hands on Tom's face and kisses him deeply..._

"...And when he was diagnosed stage IV pancreatic cancer at the age of 27, I left the tour and took care of him full-time. We went to a remote part of Ireland, and disappeared from the world. There were some days that were easier than others, where he didn't appear to be ill, where his face wasn't gaunt and his skin wasn't pale... when he didn't need tubes and needles and wires and machines to breathe...or eat...or use the toilet."

"When they say that love is messy and complicated, I think they fail to tell you that it's also beautiful and perfect, even if love means you're spoon feeding your sick lover or singing his favorite song while you bathe him. Love is sweat and tears and blood and saline and bottles and bottles and bottles of pills. It's the the sounds of machines that beep and hum and the words "I love you" whispered over and over and over again because you don't want the last words you say to him to be negative, to be stupid, to be about nothing...you want it to mean something. You want the snapshot of your life together to begin with "I love you" and end "I'll always, always love you...and it did, Liam. It really did."

"I keep his ring on because it symbolizes love I cherished, nurtured and cared for for 2 happy years. This ring reminds me of my own strength...it reminds me that I have fought hard for what is worth fighting for and that that is the type of man that I am. And I won't settle for anything less than that." Niall let tears stream down his eyes as he thought of his handsome fiancé who died way too young.

"Liam, he told me that I should never stop believing in love just because he was gone... And that I will keep growing. He told me that one day I will have to see you again and let you know that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and that the man you were too afraid to love, he was lucky to have as his own. And that if you were going to be in my life, that you would have a lot of making up to do....and that if you hurt me, he'd haunt your dick and make it painful for you." Niall half laughed-half cried.

"I cherish this ring and the memories I have of Tom. When Tom died, I lost a huge part of me and I never expected to see you again. Liam. You are so... Liam." Niall exhaled. "I haven't been able to take his ring off. I miss him more than words will ever be able to express, I never left his side." Niall lowered his head and wiped his eyes.

Liam rested his chin on Niall's forehead and gently rocked the boy back and forth in his arms. And maybe it was this small gesture that gave Niall the courage to tell Liam precisely how it was going to be. He was in control.

It was Niall's turn to choose this time...It was now or never. Niall made his choice; he chose Liam, knowing that Liam may never choose him back. But at this moment, right now, it didn't matter. Maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the way Liam made him feel without even trying. But something inside of Niall snapped.

Liam's fitted white t-shirt clung to his muscular body and Niall didn't resist the urge to mindlessly move his hands up and down the taller boy's sides as he looked up into his chocolaty brown eyes. And there was a fire inside of Niall's perfect blue eyes. Maybe Tom was right... Maybe.

Without any warning, Niall lifted the taller boy's wet shirt off of his body. Droplets of water slowly slid down his chest and Niall licked his lips, wanting nothing more than to lick the drops of water off of Liam's well defined chest. 

He moved his hand up to Liam's face, "Niall," Liam whispered. The smaller boy placed his finger on Liam's lips, closed the gap between them and pressed his lips softly on Liam's. "Liam, just listen." Niall pulled him in close, "Liam" he purred, "Just for tonight, let's be lovers. Let's roll and tumble in your bed, tied up and twisted in the sheets the way I crave to be...with you. Nothing but our skin touching...our bodies moving as one single being... and tomorrow we'll go back to being friends, former band mates, acquaintances, I don't know. I'll give you what you want tonight, even though I know you won't give me all of you. I know I can't let my feelings stay bottled up inside of me anymore. I have too much love to give and I'm bursting at the seams, Liam. You make me weak and strong all at once and I can't stop."

"And it can't rain all the time, but when it does, it pours and I'm trying, Li, I'm trying to stop myself from letting you sweep me up and in. But I'm not strong, and I know that I'm weak and I'm remembering why I was so desperately, hopelessly and completely in love with you in the first place. And it's scary and sort of beautiful. But if I truly must stop being in love, I will for you. But you should know that I don't think I want to stop," Niall says into Liam's chest.

Liam lifted Niall's chin up, "Niall, look at me, don't put your head down. Hey. You are beautiful and perfect...sublime. Not the kind of perfect that's only good for hotel rooms, or closets or the backseat of some car. You thought that I was ashamed of being with you. Well, I wasn't ashamed of you, I was ashamed of myself. No, Niall, I don't want you to be the piece on the side, I want you to be... Oh Niall," Liam whispers and presses his lips onto Niall's, pink perfect pout. Niall gently pushes Liam away, looks up into his eyes and wraps his arms around his neck pressing his lips up against Liam's.

The taller boy drops down to his knees, while wrapping his arms around Niall's waist and pressing his face onto his thigh. Liam closed his eyes, winces really, hoping that Niall won't reject his heartfelt words.

Niall entangled his fingers through Liam's wet hair and lowered his head down to kiss his lips. "No more talking, Li. We've said all that we could possibly say. I'm tired of letting my heart yearn and break for you...right now, I want your pants off and I want your cock in my mouth. I don't want to think, I don't want to speak, I want to be lost in one another. So are you going to take my hand and drag me to your bed or am I going to have to take you, right here on the ground?" he said.

Liam stood up and wrapped Niall's arms around his neck. Niall felt the fire in Liam's eyes, boring into him. Niall jumped up and wrapped his legs around the taller boy's waist and let him carry him to the bed, feeling Niall's erection pressed up against his stomach.

Niall thought to himself, "Hey angel, _if you're listening and watching, you can kick me in the arse right now for being stupid...or maybe you could possess him, you know ghost-style and knock some sense into him. Either way, know that I love you and I didn't mean to find Liam, but you always find what you least expect when you aren't looking for them, my angel."_

Niall softly growled, "Liam, if I don't feel you, if you don't feel **_me_** , I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop my skin from burning, throbbing and aching, until you cool every, single one of my desires."

**_~ Tell me where your lust ends and where your love begins. ~_ **


	4. Reckless Behavior

Liam fumbles up the stairs holding Niall in his arms. He walks to his bedroom and tosses Niall down on his bed. "Show me the rest of your body, Liam. I want to see you slowly undress for me." Liam runs his hands down his stomach and slowly unbuckles his jeans. Niall doesn't speak he just watches every tiny move that Liam makes, every drop of water that makes its way down his flawless body.

Niall was never in control in their relationship, it was always Liam. Liam got whatever he wanted because Niall was too young and too blinded by his love for Liam to care about what he wanted. And when he did stand up for what he wanted, it was never the right time or Liam was too tired to talk about it. But he couldn't help it; Liam had such a strong hold over the boy that made him feel indescribable feelings.

Liam opened the little drawer of the side table in his impeccably clean bedroom. He rummaged through the drawer and found a bottle of lube. Liam has been waiting to devour Niall's body for years and he has all sorts of ideas. "Take off your boxers." Niall did as he was told and slowly lifted his shirt up revealing a much more defined chest. Niall enjoyed the look on Liam's face when he saw the way Niall's body looked. Liam had always loved the Niall's soft, skinny body, but the boy in front of him wasn't 17 anymore and neither was his body.

Niall undid the top button on his jeans and slowly slid the zipper down, as Liam watched with great interest. The boy removed his jeans and let his boxers fall to the floor allowing Liam to see the thing he craved; Niall's thick, dick.

Liam took one of Niall's hands and guided it down to Niall's cock. "Get yourself nice and hard for me, baby, bring yourself right up to the edge of orgasm, but do not cum," Liam whispered, as he brought Niall's other hand up to his lips and ran his tongue up and down the boy's index finger before placing it in his mouth, sucking and sliding it down his throat.

Liam never took his eyes off of Niall, enjoying the look on the smaller boy's face. Niall's head was thrown back and his eyes were rolled back in his head. Liam moaned softly as he sucked on Niall's  finger, reminding him of what it feels like to have Liam's soft lips wrapped firmly around Niall's thick cock. "Wh..what are you doing?" "Shhhh Niall, don't talk baby, keep stroking your cock for me. That's a good boy. You're mine tonight and I'm gonna make sure you know who's in control."

Niall's eyes grew as wide as saucers, as he stared at Liam who was well pleased with himself. Liam was in no position to protest and obeyed. "Mmmm your body pleases me, Ni." Niall moaned in response. "Li...I'm, uhhhh so close f..for you" Liam smiled and moved Niall's hand away from his crotch revealing his thick, swollen cock. Liam stroked a finger from the base all the way up to Niall's leaking tip, rubbing the head to get his finger nice and wet. He slowly licked Niall's pre-cum off of his finger and removed it with a pop. "Mmm I missed your taste, Ni." Niall's breath was coming in deep, swift gulps.

Niall smirked and turned to the boy so he was facing him. Liam ran his hands over the smaller boy's toned body. Niall could feel Liam's fingertips trace lines and circles around his sensitive skin and shivered; it had been so long since Niall had been touched like this, adored like this by anyone let alone Liam.

The feeling of Niall's skin, his scent, his dazzling blues eyes, his lips-- Liam needed all of him and he needed it now. Niall reached out to touch the older boy, but Liam grabbed both of Niall's wrists with in one hand. "No touching, Niall, just feel everything I'm doing to you... he wanted Niall to feel helpless to resist him and he had plans.

"Mmmmm, I'm going to take you and use you as my little toy, Ni. You're only job is to lay back and take every inch of me. I want you looking right up into my eyes as I fuck you, and I know you're gonna wanna touch your Liam, but you can't, can you? No, of course not baby, no touching, just feel me all up inside of you. All you can do is lay there and take it. I'm going to use your little tight hole for my pleasure and when I'm done, I'm going to fill it up with my seed and watch my hot, sticky cum slowly work it's way down those sexy thighs."

Niall could feel his heart beating faster than an actual freight train, fuck the metaphor, Niall was above and beyond the point of just sheer arousal. Liam cups Niall's chin in his hand and gently strokes his skin, causing the boy to rub up against Liam's hand, craving any sort of contact he can get, like a puppy who desires attention.  Liam places his fingers on Niall's lips and traces them softly with his fingertips, before placing kisses around his lips and down his neck. Ever so gently and ever so sweetly, Liam licks and kisses and sucks on every sensitive spot on Niall's neck. "Look at me, Ni," he says running his fingers back over Niall's  lips, "I want these beautiful lips wrapped around my cock. I know you want to get me all hard and ready to fuck you, don't you baby?" Niall nods his head quickly up and down in agreement because he does and he will and oh does he feel weak right now -- weak in the knees, weak willed and weakened by the arousal that's creeped up over his body and taken over. But Liam will take care of him, yes Liam is in control and that's what he needs, that's all he needs is Liam's control and his love, but he knows that Liam must work hard for him, fight for him, be worthy of Niall's love.

Feeling helpless is not a feeling that Liam is comfortable with; he's the protector, he's strength and warmth and love, even though he wasn't strong enough to love Niall before, he will be now. He's made that promise a million times before, cursed the moon and the sun and wished on every star, just to have one more second with Niall. Fate seemed to have had other ideas. But Liam doesn't believe in fate, doesn't believe in the cognitive construct that exists solely to make you feel better about the choices you make. He believes in first, second, third and fourth chances because that's how many Niall has given him in their relationship. What Liam wants to believe in is love, the way Niall does.

Liam pulls himself out of his head, kisses Niall deeply and slowly guides the boy to his knees. "You look so pretty on your knees Niall and your going to use that gorgeous mouth to get keep me nice and hard." He says as he runs his fingers in Niall's hair.

Niall obeys and moves his lips up to Liam's growing erection, inhales his scent and kisses the head tenderly, making sure he kisses every part. Liam feels Niall's tongue expertly lick from the base up to the very tip of his hard cock. Niall feels his own cock throb just from this small act of pleasure he's giving Liam. In one quick motion, Niall swallows Liam's length deep in his throat. Liam groans and tangles his fingers up in the boys hair.

The familiar feeling of Niall's mouth brings back memories of their first time together -- when they were young, and experimental. When everything was new and a kiss from each other's lips would send them into a frenzied hormonal battle between their minds and what's between their legs. But they're not kids anymore and they're more experienced, even though right now, it feels as if years, distance, disappointments, upset, loss, sadness, overwhelming love and their careers haven't made them feel like strangers.

Liam is hard, oh so hard and Niall is wet, wet with sweat, wet with the saliva that's dripping and drooling down Liam's length and dribbling down Niall's lips and chin. Liam's eyes are closed and his head is thrown back and his hands are gripped tight in Niall's hair. Niall softly smiles and knows that the boy is on the edge for him and he stops and looks up at Liam with big, blue eyes, begging for Liam's touch, his kiss his throbbing cock inside of him.

"On the bed now!" Liam commands and Niall obliges. Liam looks down at the beautiful boy laying before him and knows that he doesn't have to use any bonds or tricks to keep Niall feeling weak and needy; Liam already knows the buttons to press to make the boy groan and shake and ache and cum for him. Liam runs his fingers up in between Niall's thighs, gently parting them, exposing his tight hole. He leans down between his legs and gives Niall's  cock a quick kiss and a lick while his finger ever so gently teases his hole. Niall gently bucks his hips, feeling his need bubble up inside of him, and he is well past the point of caring if he has to beg for Liam to take him, use him, mark his body the way that he's marked Liam's heart. It's always been Niall and being with him now reminds him of why he loves him. He's looking down at the beautiful boy between his legs and he just wants to reach his hands down into his hair and touch his face, caress his pale cheeks so that his fingers never forget the way he feels. He wants to kiss his lips so that he will never forget the feeling of the lips he longed for for years.

Liam runs his hands over Niall's hips and rubs his erection up against his own, teasing him, grinding on him like a horny teenager. "Mmmm do you want my big cock inside you baby?" Niall creases his forehead in sexual frustration and desire. "Awwww does my little Niall need to be filled up all the way?" Liam says as he grabs the lube spreads it on his index finger and slides it inside Niall. "Do you need to feel me thrusting" Liam slowly starts to thrust inside of the boy "Awww baby, you don't want to wait, you're already ready for me." Niall can barely speak his mind is spinning. "Y..yes Liam pl..please, I'll do anything just to h..ha have you. Oh god LIAM" Niall moans loudly as he feels Liam slip deep inside of him.

Liam keeps his composure and control, but really he just wants to pound Niall into oblivion. He wants to let him know that he's been fucked and that no on will be able to ever make Niall feel as good as he does. Liam places his hands on the boy's shoulders as he moves in and out of him, faster and faster, holding him down. Liam leans over and whispers, "Awwww Ni, you're so cute when you whimper; it let's me know how badly you want me." Liam lifts Niall's legs up and around his waist so he can thrust deeper into him, because he knows that spot, that sweet little spot that makes Niall absolutely lose control. Their beautiful bodies move together in a frenzy of desire. Their eyes lock and their lips and tongues dance and swirl and Niall is meeting everyone one of Liam's deep thrusts and he knows that at any minute Niall is going to make him come completely undone. "Niall..oh god Niallll oh" Liam groans and grunts and marks Niall with his seed and he can feel Niall's hot, sticky cum on his tummy and they are both covered in cum and sweat and saliva, but they don't care, they're too busy breathing heavy and trying not to think about what happens next...

Liam rolls back onto the bed and gently caresses the sweet boy with the soft smile on his lips. Liam pulls Niall into his chest and kisses his lips so sweetly, that the younger boy begins to blush. "Niall" Liam breathes out his name as if it were a breath he's been holding in, turns the boy's face to met his eyes and with all the sincerity he can muster, whispers, "I love you so much, Niall James Horan." He bumps his forehead against the younger boy and whispers, "I love you." Niall's lower lip starts to quiver and he abruptly gets up. "I..I have to go. I... Liam..." Niall puts his hand on the boy's cheek. I, Liam... I can't stay. I.. I will call you." He says before gathering his clothes and rushing out the door.

Niall runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath and sends Harry a text. He had to get out of there, he needed Harry.

Niall thought to himself, _"Hey angel? I couldn't stay and listen to him say those 3 little words just to have my heart broken again by Liam, but if you have some sort of otherworldly knowledge, give me a sign, any sign. I love you always and forever, my love."_


	5. Pacific Standard Time

****Louis puttered around his fabulous L.A. home, humming Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams," which was appropriate given the thunder and the rain. He walked into his little studio/office space, put on headphones and listened to one of the tracks he wrote with Harry for the new album.

After all of the fighting and the court battles over Freddie, Louis had gained full custody of the little guy, and couldn't be happier. He had a bright, happy little 6-year-old and truly enjoyed being a dad.

Louis had spent the last five years building up his small label, Triple Strings and had a strong list of musicians he signed including Harry Styles. It didn't happen overnight, but Niall encouraged the two to put any differences that they had in the past and remember what it was like, what they were like before management stepped in. And when it all fell apart, they couldn't even be in the same room with one another...And they thought they wouldn't be able to again...

**_\- March 2019 - Louis_ **

_Louis tossed and turned in his sleep. Ever since he found out that Harry was in L.A., he couldn't sleep. He swore he saw Harry everywhere he turned or thought he did. "Why didn't he just call me...text, email, carrier pigeon!?" He thought to himself._

_Has Louis been the greatest friend to Harry? No, not since they were teenagers, but that doesn't mean that he can't contact me! Louis grunts and rolls over in bed, picks up his phone and checks the time, scrolls through his contacts and begins to dial._

_"Lou, why are you still awake? It's like 3:22 in the morning!" Niall said "Niall! I just needed someone to talk to. Are you still in Ireland?" "I am and I miss you and I just need a little more time before I travel, I've got to sort through Tom's things and I have an old keyboard he wanted you to have. I'll ship it to you."And.. And" Niall quietly sobbed. "I miss him so much, Louis."_

_"Oh Niall, I know. Anyone lucky enough to spend time with him misses him. And I don't know if I should tell you this, but Liam moved to L.A." There was a long silence. "Louis, it's been so long since I've seen him. I don't even want to think about Liam. But if we are going to talk about band mates... I just think... Harry needs you, you know? I know you think he doesn't, but you know how sensitive he is. Can't you just put the past behind you? You know you have to go to him first, that you have to go see him. He's in L.A., call him, Louis. I love you, yeah? Go to bed. I'll see you very soon." Niall said. " Yeah. I love you, Niall, come see me soon." "I will, Louis. I will, mate."_

_Louis knew it was late, but he decided to ring Harry -- no time like the present..._

**\- Harry -**

_Harry flipped his dark curls back from his eyes and sighed. Since arriving in L.A., he found it nearly impossible to write a single song, or think a single thought that wasn't about Louis. It was nice to spend so much time with Niall on tour and though they hadn't spoken much when Niall had left, but Harry understood what Niall had to do; he needed to find himself out in the world and even. But when Harry told him to go on tour with him, Niall didn't hesitate. He needed the blond and the blond needed Harry and together they found out what their love meant._

_Because of  Harry, Niall met the man who made his heart do somersaults inside his chest. The man who left the corniest love notes in Niall's guitar case and the man who never let him fall down, never let him give up and never stopped loving Niall 'til his last dying breath, but even in death, love endures; the memories may fade and the images may start to blur, but the feeling always remains._ **_But gentle readers, your faithful narrator digresses and must get back to the story!_ **

_It was because of Niall that Harry spent the day with Louis and it was because of Niall that Harry and Louis made a HUGE mistake.  After Niall left, Harry went to Louis' hotel room. "Lou, I know we haven't talked much, but.. can we just be friends? I just miss the old times. I know we can never go back, but I just miss my friend and I miss the way you make me laugh, and right now? Right now I could use a laugh more than you could ever know." Harry said. Louis nodded and after a few awkward moments, they started talking and eventually talked all night about anything and everything. About the past about Louis' fears of being a dad. It was light and it was fun and everything was going perfectly until Harry kissed Louis...._

_...and didn't stop kissing him until they were panting, naked, sweaty and awkwardly staring up at the ceiling._

_Harry saw Louis a couple months back at a gig, but they barely exchanged words, just a polite "Hi, how are you? I'm so glad you could make it out tonight Lou, come see me when you're in London, yeah?" But Harry knew he only said it to be nice. Neither of them wanted to see the other because the way they left one another was too awkward._

_But what he really wanted to do was tell Louis he was in town. If he could just pick up the phone and tell him he's here and try, try, TRY to set things right, but it's too late for that now, isn't it?_

_Harry sighed again and reached for one of the crumpled up pieces of paper that was strewn across the floor and carefully opened it, re-reading the words:_

**_"No fair. You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes. I'm scared. I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into those ocean eyes. Those ocean eyes."_ **

**_HIS_ ** _ocean eyes. Eyes that currently haunt his dreams. Eyes that follow him wherever he goes. Eyes that have seen the best of Harry, and the worst. Eyes that you could get lost in, never to be found again, but that was just it... Harry didn't need to be found if Louis was there... That's how it used to be before management stepped in, before they let the cold, dark waves wash over their love and drown it into the depths of the ocean._

_Harry looked over at the clock 3:25 AM. Harry felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and answered, shocked at who was calling him and so late._

_"Harry? I um... I hope I didn't wake you."_

_"No Lou, I was..I was actually awake." (And I was thinking about you and obsessing over your eyes and your cute butt and, and, and..) "What's up?" Harry asked. Louis sighed "Harry, why the fuck didn't you call me? You're in town! I have to hear that you're in town by reading it in a fucking People magazine? What the fuck?!" Louis took a deep breath. "And another thing! I came to that gig specifically to talk to you and you gave me the cold shoulder? I fly halfway across the world to talk to you in person and you pretend that we're strangers." Louis said. Harry sat there stunned. "Louis... are you done now? "Harry I swear to god, if you make me laugh while I'm this angry at you, I'm going to break something." Harry sighs "Louis, you were about to become a dad, I was vulnerable and I had no idea what was going on with Niall...and...and I fucked up! I kissed you and we slept together and you obviously regret it!" Harry said. "That's not even true! I just didn't want you to kiss me like THAT, with all of the stress and the heightened emotions, I didn't want to be a consolation prize, but I just let myself crash into you, not worrying about the wreck we were about to create. How could I be sure that it was real, that you wanted to kiss me??" Louis said. "Because Louis, I never, ever stopped wanting to kiss you. Do you not understand that? Liam was too afraid to ever do something real with Niall because of what happened to us. Because management ripped us apart and turned us into something we're not. No. You know what Louis? I'm not having this fight with you over the phone." "Fine. Come over." Louis said. "Fine."_

_Louis heard the knock at his door and opened it to find Harry waiting on the other side and even though it was nearly 4 in the morning, and Harry hadn't slept, he still looked perfect, he looked like Harry, his Harry. The Harry he remembered from the X Factor. The Harry that wore beanies and scarves and sweat pants. Louis thought to himself that it's hardly fair that this man can look so good in sweatpants._

_"Harry. Hi." Louis gave the boy a soft smile and led him to the den so they could chat. "I should start by sayi..." Harry put a finger to Louis lips. "Louis please just listen. We have so much to work through. We need to be able to trust each other again and that trust has to build on both sides . We have to learn if we can some how, some way, still fit into each other's lives. I mean, it's going to take time, but can we just skip it? C...can you just be kissing me now?"_

_Louis didn't hesitate and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, puled him in and kissed him, as if Harry were a soldier leaving for war and Louis might never see the boy again, and in his sleep deprived mind, he may not have another chance, hell, Harry may not even be real... "Ouch! Did you just pinch me," Louis?" "Sorry Haz, I had to see if you were real, if this was real." They both laughed. "Harry, I didn't stop loving you and I just want you to know that. Loving you isn't something I could ever turn off."  Louis pulled Harry tightly into his arms and felt him rest his head on his chest. Louis felt the younger boy relax into his arms and fall asleep on his chest while Louis gently played with Harry's curls._

**-End of flashback-**

"Hey babe, We're back! Freddie insisted we stop at the pier to look at the Ferris wheel, but it started to rain and I insisted we get ice cream so..." Harry was interrupted by Louis' lips pressed up against his. Freddie giggled, "Daddy, uncle Harry stop that!" "Freddie, why don't you go play, I want to talk to Uncle Harry." Freddie ran off into his playroom and Louis pulled Harry close to him. "Hmm...no talking isn't on my mind right now, getting you out of the what appears to be the tightest pants ever created is on my mind right now.

You know we're going to send the fandom into a "Larry" spiral, right?" Harry just laughed. "I don't care baby, we're not letting anyone fuck us up again, yeah?" I know Harry, I know. It's better now. It's different now, we can be strong now, but I've always been stronger with you." Louis admitted it more to himself, and it felt good to say it out loud.

Harry leaned over and kissed Louis deeply on the lips, parting the older boy's lips with his tongue, breaking their kiss only to stop his phone from vibrating. He looked down at the phone and had 5 new messages....all of them were from Niall.

Niall:  
Oh God Harry...

Niall:  
Harry, something happened and I don't know if I should've done it or not...

Niall:  
Oh god Harry please text me back! URGENT!

Niall:  
I slept with Liam. I know, I know!

Niall:  
I saw him while I was on my way to visit you and Louis.

Niall:  
Harry PLEASE call me when you get this!

Harry's eyes widened. "What's wrong, love?" "It's Niall. Liam and Niall slept together." Harry said, staring at his phone in utter disbelief. "Niall???!!! Uncle Niall!??" Freddie popped his head around the corner and jumped up on Louis and Harry. "Is uncle Niall here yet dad? I wanna talk to uncle Niall! I've got so much to tell him!" "Yes baby, so do we." Louis said, "We've got a LOT to talk about..."

 


	6. Harry, Louis, Niall & Freddie

Niall arrives at Louis and Harry's house and rings the bell like a civilized individual even though he had a key incase he needs a place to crash. Harry answers the door and gathers the small boy up in his arms. Niall rests his head in the crook of his neck while Harry rubs his back. Niall swears that Harry has a supernatural ability to calm him down.

"Come sit down, babe. Tell us what happened, yeah?" Niall sits on a chair while Louis and Harry look at him. "What is this the Spanish Inquisition?" "No Niall, no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Louis said. **(Incase you adorable youngsters don't get the joke!)**

"So what happened?" Louis says "I mean, I love Liam like a brother, but... Over the years we made sure not to talk about you and help him to stop frantically searching the Internet or LITERALLY searching for any signs of you and it did work for awhile." Louis grabbed Niall's left hand and gently squeezed it feeling his engagement ring. "Niall are you holding up as well as you pretend to be? I know you so well and I know when you're trying to put on a brave face."

Niall gave Louis a small smile and told the boys precisely what happened. The pier, the rain, running back to Liam's place, Tom and... "And after we slept together, Liam pulled me in and told me that he loves me and.. And I told him that I'd call him and left." Niall said putting his face in his hands. "How did you feel seeing him again, Niall?" Harry said. "I..I felt. I don't know. But right now, I feel like I cheated on my fiancé. Admitting  it felt good. But If I felt something more than just sexual attraction to my 'ex,' a one-night stand, then I'm admitting that Tom is truly gone. I'm not ready to let go." Niall says, softly sobbing. Harry and Louis sit on either side of him on the couch and put their arms around him.

Freddie pokes his head in from his playroom, rubbing his bright eyes. "Daddy? Can I have something to dri... UNCLE NIALL!" Freddie squeals as he makes his way over to his uncle. Niall quickly wipes away his tears and leans over to pick up the small boy who is the spitting image of his proud father. "Hey love, you've grown so big!" "Yup! Uncle Tom?" Freddie says, "Is he still looking down on us?" Niall puts on a weak smile and holds mini-Louis tighter. "That's right, sweetie, he wants to make sure he sees you grow up. And so do I." Niall says as he ruffles the boys hair, setting him back down on the ground. Freddie smiles, looks up to the ceiling and says, "Hi Uncle Tom! I miss you. Love you forever and ever times infinity!" Before scampering off to play. Niall breaks down. "Oh god, Louis! That kid. He really did love Tom." Niall sighs and rests his head on Harry. Louis felt his phone buzz in his pocket and quickly checked it.

**From Liam:**  
Louis, I NEED to talk to you. I slept with Niall.

Louis looks over at Harry cuddling Niall and smiles, how could he have let himself be away from his curly haired boy for all those years? That boy has all the love...

**Reply:**  
Meet me in half an hour at the bar by my place.

"I'm going to pop out and grab some beer. I think we are going to need it. Won't be long." Louis mouths "Liam" to Harry and he nods, wrapping his arms around Niall tighter.

\---------  
Liam is sat at the bar, tapping his fingers nervously on the wooden surface. He checks his watch and glances at the door. Liam can't believe he had sex with Niall. He can still smell his scent on his skin, taste his lips, and if he concentrates hard enough, he can feel his soft kin on his fingertips. Liam props his head up by his elbows, resting on the bar, and pops his head up when he hears a familiar Yorkshire accent.

"Liam, what the fuck happened?" "Louis. I.. I saw him and I couldn't let him leave me again." Louis listens takes a deep breath and says, "you've got to work for Niall, Liam, he's not the same person he was when he left and he's changed, well... He's grown up. You don't know each other and you both kinda sorta well... You needed a good ol' frustration fuck!" Liam practically spits out his drink and laughs. "Lou, I want him back and I want to make things right, so I can give him what he wants and needs, what I want and need. I've spent 5 years longing for him. I finally see him and I find out what has happened to him. I see his strength, his passion and his devotion to Tom -- how could I ever compete with that?"

"In life Tom was Niall's partner in crime. They were more than just equals they were sidekicks. Tom and Niall were very much alike, but when we would go out and get spotted by fans, Tom would look at Niall and he would be filled with a sense of pride; he loved how sincere the boy is with his fans. Tom always let Niall shine, but he was strong enough to do that. Tom was part cheerleader and 100% the devoted life partner. Even at the end, Tom wasn't afraid to die and he wasn't afraid of Niall being alone. He was afraid of you hurting him, but that's only because he would do anything in the world to protect Niall." Louis said. "Louis what do I do?" Liam gave the older boy a pleading look. Louis sighed.

"You need to make a sincere gesture. Remind Niall why he fell in love with you all those years ago and show him that you've changed. I mean, you're so much less of a twat than you used to be." Louis said knocking his shoulder into Liam's arm.

"Take Niall out for a real date in public. I think you can do that. It's not like before Liam, we are not under the watchful eye of Modest! and we're not children. We went on this break to find ourselves and do the things we really wanted to do or be. Between us we've got a male Stevie Nicks, a successful music label, a famous songwriter and a charismatic singer/guitarist that infant teen pop acts would kill to play with. We proved to the world that we are more than just a manufactured, bubblegum boyband, but rather a talented group of industry savvy musicians." Liam nods. "Nobody can drag us down..." Liam laughs, " you've been hanging out with Harry for too long! He's got you using song lyrics as advice!" "Shit! How is it already 6? I gotta go! Harry has Freddie and Ni.. Ohhh..." Louis bites his lip. "He, Niall is at your place?" Liam says with defeated look on his face. "Yeah, he always stays at mine and Harry's when he's in town;  I refuse to have my family stay in a hotel and for better or worse you two are a part of my family as much as Freddie and Harry are." Louis gently rubs Liam's shoulder and zips up his hoodie. "Ask him out Liam." Louis says before heading out of the bar.

Liam picks up his phone and immediately texts Niall.

**Liam:**  
Niall, I would truly love it if you would accompany me to dinner tomorrow night. Should you decide to, I will pick you up at Louis'. Wear something sexy... I mean smart. xo

Liam tried not to check his phone a million times, but even men get anxious over text messaging.   
\----------  
Niall rested his head on Harry's chest and fiddled with his curls. Harry had been sporting shorter hairstyles these days and while Niall loved it, he missed the comforting feeling playing with Harry's hair gave him. "Niall honey, let me make you something to eat. Freddie is probably hungry by now. Go get settled in the guest room and freshen up for dinner." Harry said kissing Niall's forehead.  "Hey Freddie, come help me make some dinner for Uncle Niall and daddy, yeah?" "Okay Uncle Harry!"

Niall sets his backpack down on the bed and opens the double doors that leda out to the balcony. Niall looks up at the night sky, and lets the cool air kiss his cheeks as he closes his eyes. 

_Hey Angel, I love you and I miss you more than words could ever express. Do you remember when I took you back home to Yorkshire to see the purple moors before you passed away? I will never forget laying on the  blanket looking up at the sky. We held hands and you told me that your favorite childhood memories were when you would play in the moors and we stayed until the sun set and you turned to me and asked me to play for you and I sang "Kiss Me "by Ed Sheeran_

_because it was always one of your favorite songs. You sang the harmonies and we used the guitar case as a drum. And do you know that sometimes when the sun sets in Santa Monica, and the ocean is as blue-green as your eyes, the sky turns into a million different shades of pink and red and orange and purple, purple like the moors._

_Tom, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can trust Liam again, if I should trust him again and I'm afraid to let go and move on. I will move forward, but I will never let the memories of our beautiful love and our life together ever go. I know you're with me and always will be, but love, give me a sign._

Niall walks back inside, shuts the doors and accidentally knocks his backpack off the bed with a loud thud. Niall sighs and gathers the items that fell out of his bag and that's when he noticed it; a thin gold chain with a small gold shamrock charm with the words, "I don't need luck, I have love" inscribed on one of the sides of the shamrock.

Niall ran his fingers over the charm he had made for Tom on their 6 month anniversary. It was something Tom would say anytime someone wished him luck before a gig. Niall remembered the night Tom met his mum backstage. She gave Tom a hug and wished him luck. Tom said, "I don't need luck, I have Niall." Niall closed his hand, pressed the necklace up against his heart. He looks up towards the heavens and says, " _Thank you Angel. I love you, forever and always."_ Niall had his sign.

**Niall:**  
Liam, pick me up at 7PM and do NOT be late. Niall

The sound of his phone vibrating quickly jolted Liam out of his thoughts.

**Liam:**  
I'll be there! Thank you Niall. xo

Liam smiled and finished his bourbon **(I'm big into bourbon gentle readers and I feel like Liam would be the type of guy who would drink a really good bourbon)** and wiped his hands on his jeans. His fifth, sixth or a millionth try. He's going to fight for Niall and he will bare his soul and he will strip away all of his doubts and insecurities for Niall. Niall is tenderness and love and he will do everything he can to have him back in his arms...for as long as he can breathe.

And it finally hits him because every one has that eureka moment in their lives at least once or twice maybe, for the truly important things like love. He didn't understand what love was and he let the rest of the world become so much larger than his emotions, than his real feelings. It's easier to take someone for granted when you realize they love you unconditionally the way that Niall did, does?

They say you cannot control who you love, and Liam finds that to be the most believable conclusion about love. He doesn't believe that we are pre-destined to love someone, but then, Liam doesn't know if he's ever truly loved anyone other than Niall...and even then, even with all the love he was given by this beautiful, strong man, he didn't, or couldn't or wasn't man enough to give it back. But for the last 5 years, he's carried this loss with him like a heavy weight on his heart, holding him down. And for the last five years, Liam held onto one particular moment, one beautiful memory with Niall.

_They were just teenagers at the time and it was their first tour. Zayn had held Niall during the show because some nasty fan told him that he was ugly and shouldn't be in the band. Zayn was protective over Niall and so was Liam. Niall was so bubbly and carefree and so fragile all at the same time. Liam went looking for Niall after the show and found him in his hotel room curled up in bed under the blankets. "You okay, Ni?" "Liam. Can you come cuddle me?" "Of course!" Liam said with a slight laugh in his voice. Liam lifted the thick blanket and curled in next to Niall, wrapping his arms around the small blond. Niall sighed and relaxed in his arms. "Thanks Liam, but..but are they right? Do..Do I belong in the band? I'm just...I'm so skinny and little and ugly and... I have braces and... and.." Niall started to cry and Liam could feel the tears dripping on this his shirt. Liam lifted the boy's chin and looked him in the eyes. "Niall, you are the one who lifts us all up and you make us laugh and you sing those low notes, with your cute raspy voice. We couldn't be 1D without our Niall. Oh Niall" Liam said wiping the boys tears away. "Niall look at me. You are right where you belong, with us..." Liam softly whispers "with me" Niall looks up into Liam's chocolatey brown eyes, closes the gap between them and presses a soft kiss on Liam's lips...and Liam kissed him back._

And Liam holds on to this memory because you never forget the first kiss with someone you loved...someone you know you never stopped loving.   
\-----------------  
Louis opens the door and walks into the kitchen to find Harry and Freddie cooking dinner and singing 1D songs on the radio. " _We've got a lot of 1D fans listening in tonight so we decided to spin your favorite 1D songs, music by Zayn and Harry ALL night! This next track is "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" off of their fourth album Four..."_ "Counted all my mistakes and there's only one. Standing out from the list of the things I've done. All the rest of my crimes don't come close to the look on your face when I let you go" Niall sings as he enters the kitchen. Freddie jumps and Niall catches the little boy in his arms. "Freddie spaghetti, are you being good for your Uncle Harry?" "Yes Uncle Niall!" Niall laughs and sets the boy down.

Louis sets the beer down on the counter and hands one to Niall and smiles. "Niall are you wearing a shamrock? Isn't that cliche?" Niall laughs. Well, Tom loved it and he reminded me where it was." "I don't quite understand, but you and Tom did have your own special language." Louis said opening a beer for himself. Niall took a sip of his beer and said, "I'm going out with Liam tomorrow night."


	7. This Isn't Nandos

Niall looked at himself in the mirror. Not bad for a 28-year-old who hasn't been on a date in over two years. It was time to come out of hiding and Niall was sporting his signature blond locks because blonds have more fun, right?

Niall heard the doorbell ring and checked his watch, 6:55 PM. Liam was already scoring points. Niall headed down the stairs and opened the door to see a very handsome Liam in a suit. Niall stood there blinking. Liam laughed, "Hi Niall" he said. "Uhh...Li, you didn't tell me that we were going somewhere, you know fancy?" "I knew you'd say that, so I took the liberty of picking you up something I thought would look really nice on you." Liam laughed. "Wow Liam, that just sounded extra gay and everyone knows I'm a lot gayer than you." Niall laughed. Liam rolls his eyes, "Just try it on, okay?" Niall sighed, slowly nodded and headed back upstairs.

Harry did a double take as he walked past Niall's room. "Wowza is he taking you go the Grammys??" Harry laughed. "You look fantastic!" Harry gushed and noticed that Niall was wearing Tom's ring on his right hand. Niall noticed Harry starring "I have every single memory of him in my mind and heart. It's not time to move on, it's time to move forward, whether or not it's with the extremely daft man downstairs or someone else, I've got to get up and try."  Harry nodded and sat down on the bed. "I've always believed that there are truths in cliches and so I don't think it's bad advice to tell you to listen to your heart. I am not picking sides, but you know that I will always be there for you first, as much as I love Liam. You're my little Nialler." Harry says with a smile. Niall rolls his eyes and kisses Harry on the cheek. "I love you Haz." "I love you too, Ni. Now go; he's waiting for you." This whole "rockstar-daddy" lifestyle really suited Harry, Niall thought to himself admiring how happy he is.

Downstairs Liam looked around at years worth of pictures, mementos and platinum albums; a lifetime of accomplishments for some artists and yet this silly group of guys achieved this type of global success at such a young age, under the ever watchful eye of Modest!. And in adulthood, they made sure to do things their way and never let managers interfere with their futures.

Niall had to admit that Liam had picked out a beautiful suit that looked pretty great on him. Niall walked down the stairs and felt like he was about to meet his date for the prom. Liam stood up, "Wow." Niall came down the stairs in a crisp black suit and a white button down shirt underneath. His broader shoulders and toned body filled the suit out perfectly.

Liam took out a tie, wrapped it around his neck and tied a loose knot before placing over Niall's head and fixed it around his neck. Liam was dangerously close to the boy and resisted the urge to kiss those soft, pink lips. "I forgot how well you clean up and I kinda missed you as a blond." Liam breathed to a blushing Niall.

"Oh look at you two! Let me get a picture!" Harry said clapping his hands. "Harry, you're being ridiculous." Louis said walking over to his boyfriend, "But...Ohhhhh look at them! C'mon boys smile pretty!" "Have fun! Be good" Harry said, slipping his arm around Louis's waist. "USE A CONDOM!" Louis yelled. "Daddy what's a condom?" Freddie asks padding into the front hallway at just the wrong time. Harry elbows Louis in the ribs. "C'mon Freddie, lets go make dinner for daddy."  
\-------------------------  
As a blond, Niall is a LOT more recognizable and while it's been a long time since he's been out and about, arriving at a restaurant with Liam sent fans into a whirlwind. Niall kinda liked it. "Niall! Oh my god! It's Niall and Liam!" Fans shouted and Niall could swear he heard a few shouts of "Niam."

Liam opened up Niall's door and  inched his pinkie over towards Niall, hooking them together. "You ready?" Liam asked pointing at the crowd that had gathered by the restaurant. Niall took a deep breath, letting the tips of his fingers work their way into Liam's hand. "Yep. Let's go." This small gesture of affection gave Liam a modicum of hope and more than a little bit of comfort to Niall.

They made their way through the crowd, stopping here and there to take pictures and sign autographs. Niall had all but vanished and seeing him out and about with Liam really made the fans happy.

Liam and Niall were seated in the kind of restaurant where men wore suits and women wore dresses. The type of old guard restaurant one would imagine Sinatra would dine in with Grace Kelley or any number of starlets from a bygone era. Niall really did look amazing in his suit and Liam couldn't help, but stare, which only made Niall blush more. "Should we order a drink" Liam asked. "This place is so beautiful and old school, I feel like I should drink some sort of vintage cocktail, like a Manhattan or an old fashioned." Niall said. "Ni, in all of the years I've known you, I've never seen you drink bourbon." "People change, Liam." He said as a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

When their drinks arrived, Liam noticed that Niall was no longer wearing his engagement ring on his left hand and for some reason, it made his heart flutter; it gave him hope. Niall noticed him looking and lowered his head. "I... I it doesn't mean that I love him less, it's just, he would want me to try. I'm not moving on, I'm moving forward. I just thought." Niall sighs. "I just thought it was the right thing to do." Liam looks directly into Niall's eyes, slowly reaches his hand out and with his thumb, softly runs circles around Niall's left ring finger. "Just because something's gone, doesn't mean that it's forgotten." He says never taking his eyes off of Niall's. Niall felt his heart beating a little bit faster and played with the charm around his neck.

Liam took his hand off of Niall's and smiled. "Liam, what you've been doing these past 5 years?" Liam wants to say, " _Looking for you, breaking down and crying over you, fucking away the pain, trying to move on, trying to be in a relationship because I'm ready to settle down, thr_ _owing_ _myself into my work and wr_ _iting_ _song after song after song about you._ _Dying to tell you that_ _I'm hopelessly and desperately in love with you and I'm finally ready to admit it because being with you, being close to you feels more certain than the sun rising in the east and setting in the west."_

"Well, you know I started writing a lot of songs ( _about you_ ) and that turned into my own business ( _that I hoped you would be a part of_ ). I had a girlfriend, but that was right after the hiatus..." Liam said. "Yeah, I heard. I'm sorry it ended so badly. She was always such a psycho." Niall said laughing. "You really made a name for yourself, Li; I'm actually quite proud of you." He says softly, "How many Grammys do you have?" "3." Liam said. "You know I have 5 right, but it's not a competi.. Ouch!" Niall said rubbing the arm that Liam pinched. Liam laughed and Niall elbowed the handsome brunette in the ribs. "I missed this, Niall. I missed... Just seeing you everyday ( _because I want to be close to you tonight and always_ )."

Niall smiled fondly at the boy and slowly took Liam's hand into his and lightly kissed it. Niall looked up into those huge chocolate brown eyes and felt Liam move closer to him. Liam cupped Niall's cheeks in his large hands and Niall could feel his warm breath on his neck. Liam gently places a kiss on Niall's cheek and then one on his hand. "Thank you for coming out with me tonight. I really just wanted to do something special for you.. Us." Liam quickly paid the check and they made their way back to the car.

"Niall, this is going to be cheesy, Rom-com cheesy, but...close your eyes" Liam takes out a blindfold and puts it over the blond's eyes. "Just trust me. I want to surprise you." Liam said and drove.  
\---------------  
Liam parked the car, took Niall's hand and led him to the spot. Liam removed the blindfold. "Oh wow. The ferris wheel. "Remember that time we ride the Ferris wheel? We were barely 17 and you refused to ride it with anyone else?" "Yeah Li because I was afraid and you always protected me. Always. _(Even through the darkest hours, you protected me. I don't know how I could have forgotten that)."_ Liam took Niall's hand "c'mon! I asked them to keep the Ferris wheel open a few hours longer so we could ride it."

Liam wasn't sure what to do, should he put his arm around Niall's shoulders, should he hold his hand? Liam opted for hand holding and Niall obliged. They sat in silence, breathing in the ocean air. They gently rocked in their seat and at the highest peak of the wheel it felt as if you could reach into the sky and pull down a thousand stars. Niall moved in closer to Liam who wrapped his arm around Niall's shoulders. Niall nuzzled his head into the older boy's neck. Liam sighed happily, this was the way it used to be. Sure they were younger than, but it was still the type of closeness and familiarity Liam has craved -- something he tried desperately to create, but that time of intimacy, closeness... It can't be faked. And Liam doesn't want to hold back he doesn't want to waste another moment of his life without Niall. Niall moved on, but Liam never could; the memory of Niall leaving him on the pier, in the rain is forever etched in his memory. And he wants to make new memories with Niall, he wants to settle down, not settle for. Anyone who is lucky enough to be with Niall knows that being with him isn't settling, it's far from it; it's love.

Liam lifts Niall's chin and moves loose strands of blond hair from the boy's forehead. With both hands on Niall's face, he pulls him in and places a kiss on his lips, a kiss he hopes will say everything he wants to say, but is too afraid to say. And he's afraid that Niall will run away from him or leave him. He's always loved Niall, but now he knows that he's truly _in_ love with Niall. And the blond is kissing back, yes, he's kissing Liam and he's furrowing his brow because he feels torn between the world of the living and of the dead. Between Liam and Tom. But he's not stopping the kiss, he's letting himself fall into Liam's lips and he wants to return his passion, but he's not ready to love. Niall breaks the kiss and looks up into Liam's eyes. "Liam, can you just hold me? Please?" Liam kissed his forehead and held him tightly until the end of the ride. Niall thought to himself that if Liam was serious about being back into his life, that this was a good start.   
\-----------------  
Liam parked the car in front of Louis and Harry's house and like a gentleman, walked Niall to the front door. "Liam I had a really nice time. I haven't been out on a date in so long, I forgot how much fun they can be. Thank you. This really meant a lot to me." Niall said as he grips one of Liam's hands in his. Liam squeezes back and pulls Niall in for a deep kiss that leaves Niall feeling lightheaded. "How long will you be in town for?" Liam asked. "4 more days," Niall says in a soft voice. "Oh." "Yeah" Niall says as he nervously fiddles with his fingers. "C...can I see you tomorrow? Liam said nervously. "Yes. I'll be in the studio with Harry tomorrow, drop by," Niall says before planting a kiss on his lips and walking into the house.

Liam thought to himself, _I have 4 more days to convince him to stay and prove that I have changed and will be the man he needs, the man he wants. I will be strong for him, brave for him... And I will fight for him. 4 more days._

And just like that, Liam started to form a plan...

 


	8. Change Your Ticket

 

Niall stepped of the bathroom and ran his fingers through his fluffy blond locks. Liam watched as Niall buttoned up a short sleeved shirt that highlighted the boys toned shoulders and arms. He looked around for his belt and Liam handed it to him and smirked.

"You should probably stay a couple more days?" Liam said. "I should let you change my ticket home?" Niall groaned, which only encouraged Liam to play "Change Your Ticket" on his phone.

Niall had spent the last 4 days with Liam and it had gone pretty well. They went in the studio with Harry to work on some new tracks. Niall nearly forgot how well he worked with Liam, how easy it was to be sat in the studio with him. And that was a part of Liam's plan to win his favorite blond over; remind Niall of what it was like to be together when they were at their best. If Niall said to meet him at noon, he'd be there at 11:55 AM. Liam made sure to be there for Niall, no matter what. And that "being there for someone" like this felt amazing. 

Liam didn't waste these past 4 days trying to sleep with Niall, the old Liam would have done that, but the grown-up Liam felt lucky to get to spend time with Niall and for the past two nights, lucky he's been able to share a bed and hold him. But Liam was afraid that is wasn't enough to win Niall over. He needed more time.  " _Don't go it's not the same when you're gone. And it's not good to be all alone."_ Liam sang.

Liam was sat on the bed as Niall started to pack. Niall would fold an item of clothing, put it in his bag only to have Liam toss it on the bed and he kept doing so until Niall noticed. "Liam! You really don't understand the concept of packing." Liam shook his head, with a cheeky grin on his face and pulled Niall down on the bed so that they were laying side by side. He pulled Niall close to his chest and just looked into his eyes before planting a sweet kiss on Niall's lips. " _Aren't we way past that, playing hard to get? We did that when we were younger."_ Niall sang.

 _"One weekend I promise that I'll never tell."_ Louis sang laughing from somewhere down the hall. The four of them had to admit that these past few days were the most time they've spent together in a long time and it felt good, natural.

"Stay, just a couple more days." Liam whispered. "I..I can't." Niall pulled away slowly and laid on his back staring at the ceiling. "I had fun Liam, but I don't know that I'm ready for all of this." Niall sighed and turned his head to look at the ruggedly handsome man furrowing his brow.

Niall took Liam's hand and gently rubbed it with his thumb. "Li, I have to go home and clear my head. This is a lot to take in. These past 4 days with you have been, well quite frankly, incredible. But..." Liam put a finger up to Niall's lips, "No buts" as he leaned in to kiss the blond. Liam ran his hand down Niall's cheeks and traced the outline of his lip with his fingertips. "Stay." Liam said as he gave Niall his best puppy dog eyes , which only made it more difficult to say no.

Niall moved closer to the boy, entangled their limbs together and kissed Liam's neck so softly, breathing him in. Liam kissed Niall's forehead and pulled him in as close and tight as humanly possible . He still can't believe that he's touching Niall and their deep desire simmered just below the surface -- it could boil over at any time, but real love is more than just fun dates and fucking 'til you're both spent; it's making love. Love and trust have to be built up again and Niall does love Liam, he does, he loves him a lot, he will admit it to himself, but he's not sure if he's _in_ love with him. And he's really trying to trust the sincerity of Liam's affections.

Liam strokes Niall's cheek with the back of his hand. "Why do you need to go back to Ireland, Ni? Why must you leave so soon? You just got here... I...I...you, we...I..." Liam sighs. Niall tilts his head and furrows his brow. "I have to go back to Ireland to be there when they unveil the headstone for Tom's grave and I need to pack up the house that we shared and get it ready to sell. That's why, Liam. And I am afraid. I'm afraid that packing up our house, his stuff... I'm afraid that it means I'm throwing him away or I dunno. I dunno, Liam. I just don't know, but I know I have to go home, I can't run." Niall said.

But how do you pack away memories? How do you box them up and store them away? Niall doesn't want to forget a single moment or memory he had with Tom. He wants to hold them close to him and never let them go. He wants to be able to share them and feel...happy feel at peace with the memories. And even when he remembers the hard times, he wants to be strong and remember that what he did for Tom, the way he took care of him lives inside of his heart...what lives inside of his heart is undying devotion, love, selflessness -- and when Tom was diagnosed with cancer, Niall didn't run, he din't leave Tom, he stayed by his side until the very end.

Niall could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and fights hard to hold them back. Liam just pulls the boy in tighter and rocks him gently. "Niall, you shouldn't have to do this alone." "Why? I did everything alone. I did everything for Tom, everything I could. Do you know that when his parents found out he was gay, they stopped speaking to him altogether? And when they found out that he had cancer, they barely showed up to the hospital. They barely stayed at his funeral; they were too ashamed of him, of me." Niall felt the tears running down his eyes and Liam gently wiped them away, kissing each closed eye softly.

Maybe true love gave Niall strength or maybe it was there all along, deep inside of him. Either way, Niall was a fighter and Liam could see that now and if Liam was going to be with Niall for the rest of his life, he'd have to prove that's he will fight for Niall.

"I'm coming with you. I'm not going to let you do this alone and that's the end of discussion." Niall stared at Liam and nodded his head. "Okay, I...guess I could use the help." Niall conceded. "C'mon, I will change your ticket home." Liam said, kissing Niall's cheek.

Niall rested his head against Liam's and looked up towards the ceiling. _Hey Angel, I can't do this alone. I know you'll be with me and I hope you know that Liam is just trying to help. God I wish you could've met him. I wish he could have gotten to know the angel who saved me. I will always love you. However far away, whatever words I say...I will always love you, Thomas James Riley. Always."_


	9. Pictures of You

It was pouring down rain when the taxi dropped them off in front of the home that Tom and Niall shared. Liam took Niall's hand and squeezed it. Niall looked up at the taller boy with eyes that said, "I am really grateful that you're here. I don't think I could have done this alone." They walked inside and Liam set their luggage down."It's freezing in here and dark." Niall said with a sad sigh "I'll go start a fire and get you some hot tea." Liam said. "Thanks Li" Niall said with a shiver.

The blond walked down the hallway, looking at photographs of Tom and him on tour with Harry, on vacation in New Zealand, playing with Freddie and a picture of Tom looking like quite the rock God on stage.

Liam started a fire and felt the heat from the flames dry his damp skin. Liam closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth until he heard a crash. "Niall? Are you okay? Oh...Niall." Liam kneels down next to Niall who was holding a broken frame. Glass was strew about the floor and Niall's hand was bleeding. "Ni, you're bleeding, here let me...WOAH Tom was HOT! Oh...I'm sorry!" Liam gathered Niall up tightly in his arms, as he felt Niall shake, but not because he was crying, he was laughing. "Really Liam, you're the only person I know who can take me from crying to laughing just like that. Thank you. Thank you for being here with me...thank you for helping me do this...I said it before, but you were right; I can't do this alone, and. I'm just so sad." Niall said, as he started to cry again. "Shhh Niall, c'mon. Let's get your hand cleaned up."   
______________

It had been a hard first day and Liam knew that this would be hard for Niall to take. Even though it's been a year since Tom had passed away, Niall still feels the pain. And when you feel the pain, the loss you will scream at the stars and you will scream at the moon, you'll scream at the sun and anything that will listen to you. You'll howl and screech like a wild animal and you'll let every single bit of liquid drain from your eyes, until there is nothing left and your mouth is as dry as a desert.

Niall and Liam had made a lot of progress clearing out the house, but there were some things Niall just couldn't let himself pack up. He couldn't get rid of Tom's clothes. Niall opened their dresser and looked through his collection of t-shirts. He pulled out a vintage Cure t-shirt, stroked the soft material and smelled it; it had a feint scent of Tom. Niall frowned and put the shirt back into the dresser.

Niall headed down the stairs to find Liam packing up gear, next to him was Tom's guitar case. Niall put his hand on his shoulder as he guided himself to the floor next to Liam. He picked up the guitar and started to play it.

_I've been looking so long at these pictures of you_   
_That I almost believe that they're real_

_I've been living so long with my pictures of you_   
_That I almost believe that the pictures are_   
_All I can feel_

_Remembering_   
_You standing quiet in the rain_   
_As I ran to your heart to be near_   
_And we kissed as the sky fell in_   
_Holding you close_   
_How I always held close in your fear_

_Remembering_   
_You running soft through the night_   
_You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow..._

Niall choked up as he sang and put the guitar down. Liam pulled Niall in and wrapped his arms around him until the blond was all cried out. Liam helped Niall up to bed and tucked him in. Liam crawled in with him and let the smaller boy snuggle up to him. 

Liam was exhausted and hadn't had a full night of sleep in two days. He stared up at the ceiling and was about to doze off when he heard a sound from downstairs. Liam quietly slipped out of bed and went downstairs to investigate. He heard what he thought was music and followed the sound to the back door to the garden. The wind was blowing hard and the screen door creaked open and shut. Liam found it odd as he recalled locking the house up tight.

Liam turned to head back to bed and as he passed the sitting room, he swore he  saw a man sitting on the floor, looking through Niall's photographs. Liam shook his head and cautiously walked into the room. He rubbed his eyes and when he looked again no one was there.  He sat down on the floor and saw the open box with a picture album he'd never seen before open. The album was a scrapbook from the early days of 1D.

Liam looked through the pages and smiled. He closed the book and as he went to pack it up, a photo strip fell from in between the pages. It was teenage Niall and teenage Liam making faces in a photo booth. They were so young and carefree. The photos represented a time when they could completely be themselves, when they weren't so tightly managed. Where it was okay to just cuddle with one of your friends because you're that close.

Liam packed the album back up into the box, stood up and turned towards the staircase. He flinched as he heard a loud thud coming from the sitting room. Liam grabbed hold of a heavy vase and walked back into the sitting room. He took a quick glance around the room and swore up and down that he saw the same figure sitting on the couch pointing down at the ground by the box of books. Liam rubbed his eyes again and the figure was gone.

Liam set down the vase and picked up a leather bound book. He opened the pages and started to read. "Property of Niall James Horan" it was Niall's diary starting from his time on the X Factor through till the "On the road again tour." Liam sat on the ground and flipped through the pages. Liam read about Niall's first encounter with him and how much he enjoyed rooming with Liam. He read their story through Niall's eyes. The innocent, the exciting, the good and the bad. Their first kiss, the first time Liam had sex with Niall and the way he hurt the blond time and time again. Liam didn't know how much pain he caused Niall, he didn't know that when he would come back drunk and stumble into Niall's hotel room, that the boy obliged him because when Liam was drunk, Niall could pretend that it was real love and that was what he wanted the most; Liam's love. Liam read about Niall's trips to Asia and Australia. About Niall discovering things about himself he never knew about. He read the often painful journey that led him to Tom, to the man that jump-started his heart.

Niall's diary was a vivid account of the pain Liam caused him and the healing journey he went on that led him to Tom. And Liam finally knew the real pain he caused Niall and what he did that left Niall oh so very broken. He didn't deserve the chance that he's getting now with Niall, but he's thankful for it. He is more than thankful, he's ecstatic. He won't screw it up this time. Niall needs him now more than ever and he's not going to let him down ever again. Liam feels a sense of resolve in his heart and in his mind, even more than what he felt when he made the decision to come to Ireland and help pack up the house. Liam took the diary and brought it head upstairs to see Niall, splayed out on the bed like an angel. 

"Tommuh I love you and ya Lee-yum's helpingg. I know you'rs watching.  Loovee you Tom. Iknow you're making sure. yeah go tak to Liahmmm." Niall muttered. Liam just looked over at Niall and sighed. He felt better knowing that Niall was just having a dream and that he was still sleeping peacefully. Liam slipped into bed next to Niall and brought him close to his chest. Niall made a soft humming sound and nuzzled up closer to Liam. Liam began to close his eyes and was just about to drift off when he swore he heard a voice say to him. "We'll talk later Liam, yeah? You need to rest and be strong, me baby boy needs you to be extra strong for him tomorrow." Liam's eyes shot open and he looked around the room. He must have been imagining things, but just incase, he grabbed a bat from under the bed and kept it underneath his pillow. So much for sleep.

\-----------------------------------------  
Liam held Niall's hand as they walked through the  graveyard where Tom was buried. They turned left and saw the little plot of land allotted for Tom and his family. Niall showed Liam where he was meant to be buried, which was indeed morbid, but the boy wanted Niall to just feel free to talk about anything and everything he was feeling; he didn't want him to hold anything back. Niall didn't want to admit it, but he was glad that Liam was with him at the gravesite. Liam instinctively wrapped a protective arm around Niall's shoulders as they approached Tom's grave. 

Niall kneeled down and traced the letters carved into the simple gravestone. "Thomas James Riley January 8, 1992 - September 5, 2018 gone, but forever in our hearts" Liam put his hands on Niall's shoulders. Niall turned and looked up at Liam, crossed his arm around his chest and held Liam's hand. Niall began to sob, but Liam was right there and he wasn't ever going to let Niall go. 

Liam kept his arms protectively around Niall as he cried. He lifted his head up for a moment and swore he saw a dark haired man mouthing the words "thank you" before walking off into the distance. And somewhere in the background, Liam could hear the feint sound of a guitar and a voice singing... _I wanna be haunted by the ghost of your precious love_...


	10. Talking to Ghosts

It had been a rough three days, filled with overwhelming, heart wrenching sadness. Liam made sure Niall ate, drank water and took walks to get out of the house. Liam went through the attic and garage, cleaned them out and prepared to donate furniture to charities in need.

Liam spent the nights holding Niall until the boy was too tired to cry. He watched over him and found no sleep, he couldn't stand the thought of being asleep when Niall might need him.

Protecting Niall was second nature or used to be, and somewhere in this amazing week with Niall, he realized that it's what he needs to do, that it's part of who he is; Niall's protector. If Tom is his angel, his savior, Liam was his protector, his warrior.

Liam was finally able to get Niall to sleep. He slipped out of bed and tucked the blond under the covers in the way he would when they were younger. Liam padded down the stairs and paced the long hallway leading from the kitchen to the living room. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. At least Niall was asleep, Liam couldn't sleep. He had not slept since they left L.A.

All Liam cares about is being there for Niall, comforting him, loving him and when he realized that, when it hit him, he knew that this was truly it. Niall was truly the one for him. Liam paced about the house in a pair of shorts. He walked towards the backdoor, threw on a long sleeved shirt and walked out into the garden.

Liam felt the cool grass on his bare feet  and a soft gentle breeze caress his skin. He didn't know where he was going, but his feet knew the way. He made his way through the garden until he reached a clearing, where a tall, toned, beautiful man with dark hair and glowing green eyes was sat with his legs criss-crossed. His skin was very pale and his face was slightly gaunt, but you could still see his high cheekbones and full lips.

The man was wearing a beautifully tailored black suit with a white button down shirt and a black skinny tie. Liam watched as the man rolled up his sleeves to reveal bruised veins and puncture marks that had to have been caused by needles poking and prodding into his veins by medical IV lines. He had a number of beautiful and intricate tattoos on his left arm, but what really stood out was the little shamrock tattoo on his wrist, with the words "I don't need luck, I've got love" tattooed underneath it.

Liam kept inching closer to the man until the dark haired, green-eyed man looked up at him and smiled. The man loosened his tie and heaved a sigh of relief. "Hi Liam" he said "It's about bloody time you showed up!" Liam stared blankly at the man, who looked vaguely familiar. "I've always hated wearing ties," the man said in a strong Yorkshire accent. "Niall should've buried me in skinny jeans and me favorite Cure t-shirt, but then again, what would he wear to bed?"

"Tom?" Liam said. "The one and only." He said making a gesture as if he were bowing. "I'm sorry I never got to properly meet you while I was still, you know alive, but it's nice to finally meet you. I know the pain and the joy you brought to me baby boy and that's why I wanted to talk to you." Tom said motioning for Liam to sit. "Liam, just because I will always have a big part of his heart doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. I know he does and always has. Don't get me wrong. He loved me deeply and completely; we would have had an amazing life, but I won't let him be with just anyone."

"Tom, and I can't believe I'm saying this to someone who may or may not be a ghost or just a figment of my frazzled, sleep deprived mind, but do you approve of me and my intentions? Have I changed enough to be worthy of Niall's love and affection? I want to be and if I'm not enough now, I will work harder! I wi..." Tom put a hand on Liam's. "Liam, I just want you to listen."

"You know, I didn't have the best life growin' up. Me dad used to beat me mum and one day she had the courage to leave him. I was 7 and the 'man of the house' left to take care of me 3 little sisters while me mum worked 3 jobs just to keep food on the table."

"I knew from an early age that I wasn't straight, but me family didn't approve of homosexuality and I started playing guitar as a way to escape. Music was my escape and I turned into my career. I can still remember the day Harry asked for me to personally go on tour with him after seeing me play a gig in London with an indie band from me hometown. I jumped at the opportunity to leave Yorkshire and start a new life for meself. But I didn't know that my life would change so dramatically and lead me to the love of my life; lead me to me baby boy" Tom said, with an ethereal grin on his pale, pale face.

"I remember the first time I practiced with Harry's session musicians. I walked into the studio and there he was, sitting with a guitar in one hand and a pint in the other, chatting away with Harry. He looked so perfect and I had no idea what to say to him. I had such a crush on him -- he was me favorite member of One Direction. Come to think of it, you boys probably helped me realize that I was gay! And I mean, you were pretty cute too, Liam." Tom said laughing. "Glad we could help," Liam smirked.

"Imagine seeing your childhood crush and not freaking out!" Tom laughed "we ended up playing 'Drag Me Down' for fun and both Niall and Harry were surprised that I could sing, let alone harmonize, but I have the unfortunate curse of sounding a lot like you when I sing, Liam, which Niall always sort of loved and hated all at the same time."

"But you know it wasn't all roses. I didn't like watching  Harry kissing Niall while they were fooling around before they realized they were...like brothers, but stronger than that. I digress! I Nor did I like hearing just how loud Harry is when they had se..." "OKAY, OKAY Tom!!" Liam said "We can skip over that part." Tom laughed. "Oh, but you should have heard the way I would make me baby boy scream my name as I hit his little sweet spot over and over and over again. I'm sure you'll be able to find where that is, Liam" Tom practically purred into Liam's ear." The way he would beg on his hands and knees to have a taste of his Tom. How I made tears of frustration run down his sweet, innocent looking face as I kept him at the very edge of orgasm..." Tom said with a devilish grin on his face. Liam glared at Tom, even though the thought of making Niall beg and plead left him feeling rather hard.

"Sorry mate, I couldn't resist!" Tom teased. "Liam, you really messed my baby's head up. But eventually, Niall opened up to me and we became friends. You see it's harder to be friends than lovers and you shouldn't try to mix the two. Love is organic and it sure as hell is something else. _He's_ something else, and I would give anything just to be next to him one last time."

"You know,  you've taken care of me baby boy more over the past week than you have in years of knowin' 'im. How does that feel? I mean, look at you luv, you're outside in the middle of the night, talking to ghosts, yeah. There are huge bags under your bloodshot eyes, you're shaky and I haven't seen you eat a single thing. But you make sure Niall does. You've been making sure that he gets out of bed and showers and puts on clean clothes. Liam, that's love right there, mate. You haven't left his side and you haven't wanted to. S'what he did for me when I fell ill." Tom said giving Liam a soft smile.

"I don't see it as work or difficult.. It just, I dunno, Tom, I just... Nobody knows me as well as Niall does and I wanted him to know the new me. The me that has been trying to find what Harry and Louis have." Liam said. "Hold on luv, Larry is real?? Have I really been dead that long?" Tom laughed along with Liam. "Seriously Tom, I don't want to fuck away the pain of losing him again, I can't. I can't lose him again." Liam said.

"Niall is the only man I ever truly loved and even in death, I shall remain in love with Niall. And while he will always remember me and love me, he needs you. You don't need my approval, you just need to love him the way he should be loved. He's not moving on, he's moving forward and right now he's trying to figure out if moving forward means taking you with him." Tom said putting a hand on Liam's and rubbing soothing circles in to his palm.

"You know what you need to do and what you're going to do, Liam." Tom smiles. Take good care of m'love, yeah? Tom wrapped his arms around Liam or that's what Liam believed as he felt a cold touch surround him. "You know he calls me angel, because he thinks that somehow I saved him. But in reality, he saved me and having Niall's love is... Well, better than words." Tom laughed and slapped his knee at his corny joke. "I can't believe I just hugged Liam Payne!!" Tom waved his hands and shrieked like an adoring fan, which turned into the boy holding his stomach and falling backwards in fits of giggles. Liam 100% understood why Niall fell so head over heels for Tom; he was like the British version of Niall and Liam couldn't help, but like him.

"Remember, I'll be watching you. Good luck, Liam James Payne." "I don't need luck, I've got love." Liam said. Tom put his hand on Liam's shoulder, stood up, turned to Liam and smiled. And just like that, he was gone.   
\---------------------  
Liam felt someone or something shake him and then pull him into warm, soft arms. "Liam are you okay? I... I have been looking for you, but then I heard you, outside mumbling in your sleep? Were you asleep?" Niall said. Liam turns to the blond and gives him a sleepy smile. "I'm better than words." Niall smiled, stroked Liam's face and kissed his lips tenderly. "Liam, I.. I have to tell you something..."


	11. More Than Words

"...I'm in love with you, Liam James Payne. I'm in love with the man that you've become. I mean look at what you've done for me, how you've changed? Look at you," Niall said pressing Liam's face gently against his chest, "I don't think you've slept once! Look at the house! I didn't have to lift a finger. You did all of this for me and you never once complained. I don't know how I could have done any of this all on my own."

Liam sat up, took Niall's hand into his and gave the blond a soft smile. "Ni, I truly love you and all of the quote unquote hard times are easy because love isn't something esoteric or magical on its own, it takes work, but it doesn't feel like hard work. I choose to be in love with you, and I give myself up freely to be yours. All of the 'magic' is a bonus. I love you Niall. I love you so, so fucking much." Liam lays his head on Niall's shoulder and lets a few tears laced with joy and sheer exhaustion fall from his eyes.

Liam's gaze meets Niall's and Niall gently wipes away Liam's tears "I haven't changed for you, I changed _because_ of you because you push me to be a better...not just man, but person and well, Tom gave me some good advice. And by the way, I can see why you love Tom so much; he was as ridiculously goofy and carefree as you are." Liam said. Niall sat there blinking at Liam. "Tom? My Tom? My dead fiancé Tom gave you advice? Liam, we need to get you into bed, you're starting to worry me." Niall says, with a grin on his face.

"Niall, I cannot promise you that I will remain on this earth forever, but I can promise you that I will love you to infinity." Liam stands up and Niall follows suit. Liam takes Niall's hands and stares at the little blond angel before him. "I want to show you something." Liam says.

Liam leads Niall upstairs to the bedroom, takes out the leather bound diary and hands it to a bewildered Niall. Niall looks down at the book, brushing his fingertips over the leather before looking up quizzically at Liam. "Wh...where did you find this?" "Well, it fell out of the box or some ghost moved it there for me to find, I really don't know anymore  I could be going insane, but that isn't the point. Just, flip to the back." Liam directs Niall to the bed to sit down. "You read, I'm going to wash up." Liam presses lightly on Niall's shoulders and kisses his forehead. Niall closes his eyes at the feeling of Liam's lips on his skin. The blond opens the diary and flips to the back.

**_Dear Niall,_ **

**_I am terribly sorry for reading your diary and I recognize that it is an invasion of your privacy. I cannot truly explain it, but Tom directed me to your diary and wanted me to read it._ **

**_I realize now even more acutely how much I hurt you and what you endured because you were in love with me, right from the start. I took your love for granted. I knew you would always be there for me, that you would take care of me and really, that's the kind of man you are; you take care of everyone around you and you give love selflessly, even to those who were undeserving of your precious heart._ **

**_Saying I'm sorry isn't enough, but I hope beyond hope, that my actions have shown you what kind of man I have become and that I'm not afraid to show you love to put in the work to make you the happiest man you ever could be._ **

**_There is no one else in the world like Niall James Horan, believe me, I've looked for him! I know these words aren't enough, and I know that It's going to take more than just words to show you that my love for you is real and true._ **

**_I can't imagine burying the man I love because the man I love is right here and I hope after reading this letter, he will be my boyfriend. If he will have me..._ **

**_Love always,_ **   
**_(Your) Liam James Payne_ **

**_P.S. - I KNEW you had a crush on Zayn first!_ **

Niall closes the diary and places it in his lap. He shakes his head and smiles, laying back on the bed with his hands behind his head. Liam steps out of the bathroom, wearing nothing, but a pair of gym shorts, drying his hair off with a towel. He turns to look at the little blond with one of the first smiles on his face Liam has seen in the past few days.

Liam flops down next to Niall on the bed and pulls him into his arms. Niall runs his fingers through Liam's hair slowly "I liked your letter and..." Niall leans his head on Liam's shoulder and breathes him in. His skin is warm and smells clean and fresh. Niall looks up into those big golden eyes and breathes out the words, "Yes, yes I'll be your boyfriend! But there are going to have to have to rules." "Anything Niall." Liam strokes the boy's cheek "I'll do whatever you want! I will!" Niall smiles. "I want our relationship to be out in public." 

Liam sits up and grabs his phone. He scrolls through some pictures on his phone and stops at an image of Niall in the studio laughing, looking up at Liam, while Liam had an arm lovingly wrapped around Niall's neck. Liam smiles and tweets:

@Real_Liam_Payne: Look who joined me in the studio? cc: @nialloffical #NiamIsReal

Niall smiles, "it's a start, babe. A start." Niall kisses Liam deeply on the lips and looks over at his boyfriend who has fallen asleep next to him. Niall smiles and slips out of bed, tucks Liam in and looks up at the ceiling. _Hey Angel, thank you, I love you forever and always._

\-----------------   
Liam puttered about the kitchen, chopping and shuffling pans around. "Liam let me help you," Niall says wrapping his arms around Liam's waist. "Let me help you, you've done so much!" "Just sit down! And relax, baby." Liam turns and kisses the boy on the cheek. "I love you Liam." "Love you too, baby."

\-----------------   
The night was cool and the sky was clear; a perfect night to lay out in the grass and stare up at the sky. "This really makes me feel like a kid back home in Mullingar. Tom and I would lay out here and talk about what our life would be like when we got married. Tom wanted to adopt 10 children; he loved kids so much. He spoiled the hell out of Theo and Freddie." Niall laughs and turns to look at Liam. "Do you ever think about the future?"

The thought of a future with Niall made Liam's heart feel full and left him feeling that for the first time in his life he could be and do anything. "I love the idea of adopting a mess of kids. We could pull them in bed and cuddle with them on Sunday morning after pancakes. We could wrap them up in big soft beach blankets and take them to the ocean. We can go to Half Moon Bay and eat sandwiches and juice boxes and, and a million other little normal things with our little rockstar kids." Liam laughs and realizes what he just said "Oh God, Niall, I'm so sorry! I know that was very forward, but now that I have you in my life, I want to keep you in it." 

Niall smiles, rolls on top of his boyfriend and kisses his lips. "Liam, I'm going to be more forward. I love you and I want to move in with you. There. How about that??" Liam reaches into his pocket and produces a key. "Niall will you come back with me to L.A. and move in?" "Of course. I'm already packed. Ohhhh! Can we take a private plane back??!!" Niall squeals Liam laughs "Yes, yes we can. We are really going to do this, aren't we?" He says. "Yes, Liam we really are."

\-----------------   
Liam opens the door to his place and flicks on the lights. "Welcome home, Niall." Niall sets his bags down and looks around the sitting room. The last time he was there he didn't really get a good look a the house. There was a large couch and a few chairs and off to the side was a little studio painted a vintage shade of blue that wasn't quite a "Liam color," but made the space feel light and inspirational. But what really stood out was an old piano, Tom's piano and his beloved vintage Gibson 1959 Les Paul.

"How... When?" Niall turns to Liam wraps his arms around his neck and kisses him deeply. "I took the liberty of shipping the piano and guitar back home. Harry and Louis took care of the rest. I thought you might want them." "Thank you, Liam, this is the nicest.. I.. Thank you, love. Thank you."

\-----------------   
Liam and Niall slipped into the bed they now share. Liam presses his body up against Niall's and wraps his arms around his waist. "It's the first night we're spending in our bed as a couple." He says "we really should celebrate" Liam whispers as his fingers slowly move down Niall's chest and gently stroke his cock through his boxers. Niall lets out a soft moan in approval and moves his boxers down his legs and tosses them to the floor. "Liam" Niall breathes "take me, please." Liam didn't hesitate to oblige his boyfriend.

Niall felt Liam's lips trailing downwards, inching closer and closer to Niall's already hard cock. "Oh Liam I want your lips arou..uhhh" Liam's lips wrap around the younger boy's length, letting his tongue swirl around the head. Niall's fingers slip into Liam's hair, twirling his brunette locks around his fingertips. Liam works Niall's length all the way down his throat, causing Niall to groan at the feeling of Liam's mouth expertly pushing the boy right to the edge of orgasm. "Is that what you want, baby? Do you want more, my love? Do you need more? I'll do whatever you want. Just tell me baby, I want to be your fantasy." he said. "Liam, I don't need the fantasy, I've got the real thing right here."

Liam moves up Niall's body, letting his erection rub up against Niall's. Liam flips Niall on top of him smiling, as the smaller boy wraps his legs around him. "I want to watch your face as you ride me. I want to..I want to make love to you Niall. Slow and deep" Liam whispers moving his hips, simulating the way he'll make love to the man he won't ever let go of. Niall's eyes grow wide and he can feel his heart beat fast and he's breathing deeper. He wants Liam, he can't deny it. He never could, but this time, it's different; it's perfect.

Liam makes sure that Niall is comfortable and ready for him to slowly push deep inside of the boys tight hole. He slowly moves in and out of the boy, making sure Niall feels every part of his length inside of him. "Mmmm Niall, you're so tight and feel so good." Niall rocks his hips so he can pull Liam deeper and deeper inside him. Niall wraps his arms around Liam's neck and kisses his boyfriend deeply. It was Liam's actions that spoke more than words and his actions were pushing Niall closer and closer to a delicious orgasm. "I love you Niall, so, so much" Liam managed to say between deep breaths. Niall wrapped his arms tighter around Liam as he rode them both to orgasm. Niall put Liam's face in his hands and looked directly into the brunette's eyes. "I've been waiting for you to make love to me for so long, and it was worth the wait. I love you Liam." Niall said. Niall rolled off of his boyfriend, smiled and let out a happy sigh. For the first time since Tom, Niall was happy and what was more strange and wonderful was that it was with Liam James Payne.

And the rain fell outside of their window and the light that shined down on the slick streets sparkled. And as dawn approached the promise of a new day delivered new hope for the new couple.


	12. If You Leave

_The Road goes ever on and on_   
_Down from the door where it began._   
_Now far ahead the Road has gone,_   
_And I must follow, if I can,_   
_Pursuing it with weary feet,_   
_Until it joins some larger way,_   
_Where many paths and errands meet._   
_And whither then? I cannot say. -_ **J.R.R Tolkien**

**\---- One year later ----**

"I think it's perfect, Liam. Absolutely perfect." "You really think so, Harry?" Liam said. "I do, I really do!" Harry said, wrapping his arm around Liam's shoulder. It's going to be fine! I promise. "I hope so, Harry."

\----------------------------------------------

Liam came though the door of their home in Santa Monica and found Niall messing about in their studio. Liam loved coming home and hearing Niall's raspy voice. "Babe, I'm home!" Liam said walking into their large kitchen. "I brought take out, I just didn't feel like cooking tonight, love." Niall stood in the doorframe smiling. "I hope you're in the mood for Chinese, I mean it was that or tacos, but didn't we just have tacos? Either way, we aren't 22, we've actually got to take care of our bodies. So I..." Liam just kept on babbling until he felt Niall's arms wrapped around his waist. "Liam, just kiss me, love. You're so ridiculous." Liam smiled.

Liam grabbed Niall's hand and pulled him into his chest. "Hi baby." Liam said, rubbing his right hand and frowning slightly feeling Tom's ring on his finger. And just like that, their night changed...and we know how fast a night can change... "What Li?" "Nothing. No. Nothing. It's fine." Liam said letting go of Niall's hand. "Baby? What?" "Niall it's nothing. It's just. It's nothing." Liam said. "It's just. The ring" Liam whispered. "Liam, I'm with you but he's never going to leave me, okay? You know this! Why are we fighting about this? He meant the world to me!" Niall says. lifting his arms up into the air, obviously fed up with the entire conversation. "And I don't? I don't mean the world to you? WE are together! How do you think it makes me feel? Sometimes I feel like I'm living in his shadow. I want you and I love you, I'm in love with you and I want to move forward. I know how important he is to you." Liam says. "He was supposed to be my husband!" Niall says nervously twisting Tom's ring on his finger. "Well what if I want to be your husband?!" Liam yells "forget it. I will never be enough for you. I'm so stupid. You know, forget it. Just forget it." Liam says, as he walks to their bedroom and slams the door. Leaving Niall alone in the kitchen shaking and on the verge of tears.

Liam sits down on the bed and his head is swimming and he knows that it's a little thing, but he doesn't want to live in Tom's shadow forever; he doesn't want a constant reminder of the man Niall was engaged to to be thrown in his face. He doesn't hate Tom, hell he spent an entire evening talking to him! Liam pauses at that thought and believes that he should get his head check. But that's not the point. The point is that he wants to be the one who cares for Niall in sickness and in health. He wants his ring on Niall's finger and he wants to understand what it is that's holding Niall back. And he knows why at this very moment it hurts more than it ever did before. If Niall can't take off Tom's ring, how will he ever put Liam's on?

Liam grabs a duffle bag and throws some clothes into it. He grabs his coat and his keys and storms out the door. Niall runs after him. "Liam! Where are you going?? Please don't leave! Can we just talk about this?" Niall shouts. Liam turns around and mumbles "I need some space. I need some time to think right now. I love you." Liam turns and gets into his car and drives. And drives and it doesn't matter where he's going because all he wants to do is be far, far away. Liam wonders if there's something more he needs to do. Did he not fight hard enough? Did he not suffer enough? Why do people even want love? Why do they WANT to feel love. Love is pain and love is anger and love makes you insane and, and, and... and it feels... It FEELS like your body is on fire and you feel crazy and calm and perfect and beautiful all at once. Is true love that dark and twisted? Liam grips the wheel tighter and leans his head back on the seat and he wonders again, is true love this dark and twisted?

Liam's insides are twisting and turning and churning and his mind is a wreck. He's only human and he can never be like Tom, maybe he just needs to realize that he's only human. Maybe he isn't ready for all of this. Maybe Niall isn't ready for this. Maybe they made a mistake? But it can't be a mistake, the feelings he's felt...the peace, the comfort...the security. That's real. It's all so fucking real and it's too much, it's not enough. HE isn't enough. Is he?

And Liam is stuck at a traffic light and he can practically hear his heart beating out of his chest, like the sound of the pumped up bass in the car next to him. He has to drive. He has to leave and he doesn't need to have a destination. He just needs to drive, to follow the road that leads away from this mess, away from Niall. For a time. But how long? It doesn't matter right now. He doesn't matter right now. But Niall will always, always matter to Liam.

Niall can feel his heart sink and he swears he hears piano playing in the their little studio. He swears he's going crazy, and he's all out of tears, but he hears it and he thinks back to all of the times Tom would set their fights to music. You can't get mad at someone who's singing your argument and it drove Niall crazy, but it also made it hard to go to bed angry.

And he hears HIS voice, Tom's voice singing to him, but he's dead and Niall is delirious and the dead can't speak... They only speak when they need to be heard and ghosts of a past long gone can't continue to haunt him. Moving forward is harder than he ever thought could be possible, even after a year with Liam. Liam who is patient and kind and loyal. He can't keep holding a torch for someone who isn't coming back. He isn't going to magically appear. _"I'm_ _in the_ _past, Niall. I'm not_ _in the_ _future. I'm your past and what the past does is it teaches us...it guides our futures and shows us the things we want_ _, don't want and_ _the things we need in our next relationships. It's okay to want new things, it's okay to use our love as a guide for your future._ _I_ _don't_ _think you_ _realize how much you need him or how much you love him. Take the road less travelled on, the road that leads to Liam, me love."_

Niall had to get out of the house. He grabbed a bag and he got in his car and drove to Harry and Louis'. Harry opened the door to find Niall, heartbroken and torn to pieces. "He left, Harry, and I don't know if he's ever gonna come back home..."

**_~ And it was raining when I_ ** **_(Liam)_ ** **_left and I drove to get away from you and I drove and I drove and I drove until I was out of gas. And it was dark and my heart was shattered and your words cut like a knife straight into my fragile heart . ~_ **


	13. Infinity

In·fin·i·ty   
noun  
1\. the state or quality of being infinite.  
"the infinity of space"

MATHEMATICS  
2\. a number greater than any assignable quantity or countable number (symbol ∞).

\---------------

It's been just over a week Niall and Liam had their big fight and he hasn't heard a single thing from his boyfriend. Niall is frazzled, sleep deprived and has no more tears left in his eyes; he's all cried out. He can't eat or sleep and Harry and Louis are more than a little bit worried about him. They've made him stay with them and hardly let him out of their sight. They've both tried to reach out to Liam, but when they call his phone, it goes straight to voicemail. They want to tell him to come home, that Niall is in agony and hasn't eaten or slept for days.

And Niall swears he's hearing voices. He swears he hears Tom's voice calling out to him, guiding him. _"Baby boy, it's alright. You know I'm always with you, I'm always in your heart, but that man that stormed off, loves you completely, but you're holding on too tight, me love. You know you have to find him and you know where he's going to be. It looks like rain baby boy. It can't rain all the time, but when it rains it pours and real love is messy and it's beautiful and I'm not gone from your heart, I'll never leave, but you need to let go and you need to show Liam a sign." Tom whispers._ "But angel, what sign? What do I do?" Niall says _"Love, you already know what to do. I love you me baby boy. I'll always love you. Love you forever and always."_ Tom whispers and just like that, his voice is gone.

Harry walks into the room to find Niall on the little balcony talking to...someone? "Niall, come inside. what are you doing?" Niall looks over at Harry and his hair is a mess and his eyes are bloodshot, "I'm talking to Tom." Harry frowns and swallows the lump that's formed in his throat. He can't bear to see Niall like this. He's not even sure of what to say to the blond anymore. "Niall, baby, you need sleep. Come here." Harry says and gathers the boy up in his arms, lays him back on the bed, into his arms and rocks him gently to sleep in the way only Harry can do. "Love just lay down. You're worn out and I know how tired you must be. Just go to sleep for me. Just close your eyes, Niall. It's okay. I'll be right here." Harry whispered, running his fingers through Niall's hair as he felt the blond relax as he gently falls asleep.

The next day, Niall is determined to find Liam and it looks like rain and he knows that Tom is right. He knows where to find Liam and he drives to the pier. And it's nearly dusk and the boardwalk is practically empty. Niall runs the length of the boardwalk and searches for any signs of Liam. He needs to tell him, he wants Liam to know everything that he's thinking and feeling and he wants to let Liam know that he's ready and he isn't afraid.

Niall sees him. Liam. Standing in the same spot that Niall kissed him and left him. In the same spot he held him. In the very same spot, every time. Liam. Liam looks down at the open black velvet box and closes it. He's half-ready to throw it as far as possible, but he doesn't. He puts if back into his pocket because Liam still believes in love, in his love for Niall.

"LIAM!" Niall yells as he runs over to his boyfriend and Liam turns around. Liam's hands are shaking and his eyes are filled with tears. Niall grabs him and pulls him in tight. Liam practically collapses in Niall's arms and whispers, "I'm sorry I'm not enough, Niall."

"No Liam! No. I had to learn what I'm not and who I am when I was looking for myself out there. I had time to think and time to be away from you. Time to be with Tom....precious, wonderful, beautiful, painful time. And the time I have spent with you in the past year has been better than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. I am proud to call you my love. I am proud to be with you and next to you and **_in_** love with you and a million other stupid little insignificant things. But sometimes love isn't enough. Because if it were enough, you wouldn't be saying good-bye. You wouldn't be leaving and we would be happy; we would be perfect. Life would be perfect. But I guess perfect isn't the hand that we've been dealt." Niall says, letting go of Liam. He places his head in his hands and Liam knows that when Niall lifts his tear-soaked face that Liam will fall to absolute pieces.

Liam puts his hand on Niall's shoulder "baby, I don't think you understand why I left. I...I should probably clear a few things up." Liam said as Niall lifts his face and lets his red eyes meet Liam's chocolate eyes. Liam wipes a few tears off of the blond's cheek. "I'm not leaving you. In fact, that's what I wanted to talk about, but I could only take so much..I'm just a man and I'm only human. I made the mistake of running away."  Liam sighs. "And I'm so, so sorry, my love."

Niall sat down on a bench and looks over at him. "Then tell me what is going on." Niall said placing a hand on Liam's cheek. Niall's hand was warm on Liam's scruffy cheek and Liam kissed it. Niall patted the spot next to him, but Liam just looks down at Niall. "I've heard that when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, that you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible and I've realized it for a long time now." Liam said as he felt the tiny black velvet box practically burn a hole in his pocket. It's waiting to be placed on the finger of the man Liam is so desperately, helplessly in love with and he will love Niall to infinity.

"Niall James Horan. You're the most beautiful person I have ever known in this life, and I know that in the beyond, you will remain the most beautiful person I have ever met. And I love you to infinity and I'll love you beyond that and more and more every day. I'll never stop making you feel my love and I'll always take care of you. I'll be everything you need and more, not because I am obligated too, but because I want to. I love you."

"You have to work at a relationship...at a marriage, but nothing has felt like hard work, it's felt natural and good. I do the things I do for you because I am committed and bound to you. And if you'll say yes, I will bind myself to your heart and to your life for as long as we both may live on this earth. You're the only one that's ever made me feel the things I feel. You make me a better man. You make me the BEST version of myself. Niall James Horan, will you marry me?" Liam said and got down on one knee. He pulled out the tiny black velvet box and opened it to reveal a silver band, around a white gold band; an infinity ring.

"This ring is my promise to you that my love has no bounds and it will last for an eternity. I love you so very, very much and I truly, madly, deeply wish to be your husband for the rest of our lives."

Niall looks down at Liam and cups his face in his hands. He licks his lips before he softly nibbles on his lower lip, looking for the perfect words to say to the man who is down on one knee, professing his undying love and devotion to him. "You know, I read somewhere" Niall says softly "that in situations like this, one should 'tell him yes. Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no.' And I believe it. I do not fear saying yes, because I know that I want nothing more than to be your husband, Liam James Payne. I would be honored to marry you."

Niall wipes his nose and lets the tears stream slowly down his cheeks and he doesn't care that his eyes are red and puffy or that Liam looks as if he hasn't slept in days because really, he hasn't. And they're emotions are raw and real and their hearts are exposed, but that's what makes every word, every promise, every heartbeat that much more honest.

Liam places his ring on the left ring finger of Niall's left hand, picks him up and spins him around in the most ridiculously cliché/rom-com way. Niall laughs and kisses Liam like he might never kiss him again. There was only one thing left to do... Niall slides Tom's ring off of his finger, places it in the box, closes it and places it in Liam's hand. Niall closes Liam's fingers over the box and says, "Tom told me to give this ring to someone who is worthy of it and you are Liam, you kept my heart safe. You took care of me when I didn't think I could go on. You showed me unconditional love and I truly cannot wait to start the rest of my life with you. You were right...when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to happen right now. Let's go home and call every single person we know in the world!" Niall laughs. "Your mom or my mom? No, let's go tell Harry and Louis first...Oh...I know! We should call Simon!" Liam takes his fiancé's hand and rubs his finger over the two interlocking bands. Yes. Liam will love Niall to infinity.

\---------------

They were married in April, ten years after Niall's audition on the X-Factor. And even the rain didn't matter to them. It was a very small wedding, only close friends and family were invited to the ceremony and as they took their vows, it began to rain. The type of rain that falls down gently and kisses your skin with each drop.

They were married in Yorkshire, when the moors were purple because really it was too beautiful not to. They stood in a field of purple and green and looked up at the sky and they are the only two people in the world in this moment. But they aren't two, they're one and that makes it easier to stand the rain.

It can't rain all the time, but sometimes when it rains it pours. But rain really isn't such a bad thing, rain brings new life, new growth and the promise of a million new beginnings... And Mr. and Mr. Liam James Payne are about to begin their journey as they navigate life together with the promise of infinite love.

And right after the wedding, they tweeted a photo of their hands with their wedding bands and the words, "#Niam is real...ly happy! #JustMarried xo"

\---------------

Not long after their wedding, Liam and Niall found themselves in a hospital in Ireland holding their newborn baby boy. They had talked about having kids and decided on a surrogate who had the same features as Liam and when they found out she was pregnant, they were over the moon.

"What are we going to name him, darling?" Liam said looking up at his beautiful husband holding their perfect little baby. Niall looked up towards the ceiling _Hey angel, it's poetic really, because it's your birthday, but now you've got to share it with this little guy. I miss you and ask that you watch over my baby boy the way you watch over me. I love you forever and always, yours, Niall James Payne._

Niall smiles and says "Riley James Payne." Niall looks down at their sweet little baby. Liam smiles "I think that's a perfect name, love." Liam kisses Niall's forehead, then his lips and then on baby Riley's forehead.

\---------------

"Dad, are you really, really sure that you want me to have your ring?" Riley says as he opens up a tiny old black velvet box. "For the thousandth time, yes! You just have to promise me that you truly, truly love Zara and that you will love her forever and always, as the man who gave me this ring did, and love her to infinity; the promise I made to your father." Niall smiles from his eyes down to his lips. "Ri, I can't believe my son is going to get engaged!" At 23, Riley was already very handsome, with his blue, blue eyes and pale freckled skin like his dad and dark, dark hair like their surrogate and yet somehow, Riley resembled Liam -- it was in his mannerisms and the way he carried himself.

Riley was a good kid, who never used his fathers' fame to his advantage. He grew up in a household with two loving parents and a mess of foster brothers and sisters who kept Liam, Niall and Riley grounded. Riley was a hard worker and had worked his way up at Louis' record label, which is how he met Zara.

She resisted going out with Riley for as long as she could, but he won her over with his Horan-humor and Payne-wit. By their third date, Riley knew he wanted to marry this girl and that he would love her always. He saw the love his fathers have for one another and he wanted that for himself. And he knew that he was so lucky to have them as role models.

Riley smiles as he plays with the beautiful ring. His fingers trace the heart and the hands and the crown over and over again. As a child he remembers sneaking into his fathers' room and trying the ring on and now he was going to give it to the love of his life. He placed it back in the old black velvet box and put it in his coat pocket. Tonight, Riley James Payne will propose to Zara Rose Malik... And she's going to say yes...

 


	14. Epilogue - Just Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Just sort of roll with it, I know the dates/ages don't quite add up, but the boys are about 45-ish at this wedding. HEY! It's not weird, look at Robbie Williams! Sooooo much fluff!

Riley walked into the flat he shared with Zara, with the ring in his pocket and a bottle of the cheapest champagne he could find, not because he couldn't afford a good bottle of champagne, but because it reminds him of their first date...

_The date couldn't have gone any worse by any other couple's standards, but for Riley and Zara it was perfect. Riley wanted to impress Zara and planned to cook an elaborate meal (no not chicken wrapped in Parma ham stuffed with mozzarella) that he of course burnt. And in those days, they were both sort of broke because they refused to be the sort of adults that mooch off of their famous parents who all came from strong working class backgrounds._

_That first night, Zara clumsily spilled an entire bottle of wine all over the kitchen floor. But that didn't matter. Riley cooked a much  less ambitious meal; grilled cheese. He grabbed a blanket and a bottle of the "finest" champagne he had and took Zara to the rooftop of his London flat, where you could see the whole city. He poured her a glass of champagne and they ate grilled cheese and laughed and laughed and when the laughter died down, the kissing began and it really was a perfect date because at that moment, they didn't have famous parents, they were just two kids, on a rooftop falling in love._

"Hey Zar? You home?" "Yeah babe, I'm just putting the laundry on." Zara said walking towards her boyfriend wearing a faded old "Mind of Mine 2016 tour" t-shirt that was slightly ripped at the collar and hung down one shoulder and a fitted pair of black Capri sweatpants. Her tiny feet were bare and she had bright purple toes and fingernails. Zara kisses Riley on the cheek and takes the bag of groceries out of his hands. "What's all this love?" Zara says. "Oh nothing, love." Riley laughed.

Riley took Zara up to the roof of their building and when he opened that little box and asked her to marry him, she pounced on him, spilling the entire bottle of bad champagne all over them. They both laughed hysterically and in that moment it didn't matter that they had a super famous families, they were just two kids, on a rooftop and they were getting married.

\-----------

"God damn Zayn and his stupid beautiful face!" Niall says laughing and taking a sip of his pint. "I never thought I'd be old enough to have a 23-year-old kid who just got married to the daughter of my bandmate from when I was in a boyband. A BOYBAND, Li! Liam laughs, "Baby, I think that's going to be your last pint!" "NO! Li! NO! It's our one and only son's wedding! Niall wipes away a tiny tear. Zayn walks over to the boys and wraps his arms around the two of them. "Looks like we're in-laws!" The raven-haired R&B megastar says. Gigi comes over to Niall, Liam and Zayn and has the biggest, widest grin on her face and Zayn's hair is still perfect and Gigi has somehow managed to look even more beautiful in her older age.

And Zara is the spitting image of her mother, but with long, long, black shiny hair and it's twisted up on top of her head and she has that sort of classic, exotic elegance about her that's reminiscent of Elizabeth Taylor or any number of starlets that graced the screen in a bygone era. She's laughing and her veil is fluttering in the cool evening air as Riley twirls her around and around and around. And Riley cleans up nicely. He's tall and he's proud and his blue eyes are shining and laughing all at the same time. His tux is perfectly tailored and as he spins and twirls his beautiful wife, he's wrapped up in white taffeta and tulle and his cheeks are covered in bright red lipstick because Zara is just as goofy as Riley is, and that's what makes them work really; their uncanny ability to love and laugh at life.

"Look at them," Zayn says, pulling Gigi in tighter as she places a tiny hand on his chest. "Yeah. Look at our babies dancing to THAT song" Gigi laughs. "Oh come on, 'What Makes You Beautiful?' We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that song and it's fitting really." Liam laughs and pulls his husband close to his chest. "Haz, Louis get yer arses over here!" Niall practically slurs "The photographer apparently wants a picture of the five of us handsome as fuck, seriously old men." Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn.

"Dad! Uncle Harry!" Freddie says as he walks over to the oddly assembled group of old friends and loved ones. "Freddie, why do you still call Harry 'Uncle?' You do realize you're a 33-year-old man, right?" Niall laughs. "Yeah UNCLE Niall, I do, but it's kind of our thing." Freddie laughs. "Yeah, well UNCLE Harry is going to grab some champagne and UNCLE Harry plans on drinking it and maybe another after that, if Louis is okay with letting UNCLE Harry drink more champagne!" "Daddy likes that, UNCLE Harry..." Louis smirks and slaps Harry on the ass. "And at 33-years-old, I'm scarred for life. Thanks dad." Freddie says.

Riley places his bride's arms around his neck as she places her head on his shoulder, swaying with him to one of her dad's songs and their wedding playlist is a mishmash of styles and really it's perfect because their family is a motley group of people. You've got Harry, the Mick Jagger-like rockstar and his husband Louis, the savvy music exec who's been known to make or break careers. Zayn, the R&B megastar and his internationally known supermodel wife Gigi. Liam, one of the most sought after producers and his husband Niall who's written and composed some of the biggest hits of the last three decade. Yes, they are quite a family. Add Freddie into the mix and you've got a handsome World Cup footballer for a cousin!

"Li, baby, we did good. Look at how happy he is." Niall says with a slight slur to his words. "You know what I'm happy for LiLi?" "What's that love?" "Never having to wear skinny pants ever again!!" Niall raises his arms into the air and Liam just laughs and laughs and laughs. "You, my handsome, perfect husband need to slow down." Liam says. "Dance with me, Niall." Niall smiles as Liam twirls him around.

Zara looks up into her husband's big blue eyes and kisses him. "Love, I should umm probably tell you something..." Zara said. "What's that, baby girl?" (Riley's Americanized pet name for Zara) Riley said. "I'm pregnant..." "You're what??!! Oh my god!" Riley says, lifting the tiny dark haired woman up off her feet and twirling her around. "Oh thank goodness" Zara says, "I was so worried that you were going to be upset!" "Why would I be upset, love? I love you so much and I can't wait to start a family. My dads are going to flip, it's going to be great! Have you told anyone yet?" Riley said. Zara shook her head. "Should we tell them?" She says looking over at Niall dancing with Liam, Harry straightening Louis' tie and kissing him, Freddie eyeing up a bridesmaid to hit on and Zayn wrapping his arms around Gigi. Let's tell them!" She says wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering "I love you so, so much... Forever and always and to infinity" she laughs "like your crazy dads would say!"

Zara cuts between Liam and Niall and asks Liam if she can dance with him. Liam obliges and spins her around. "I've got a daughter now too!" Liam smiles and he's so proud and happy, he's practically beaming. "Li, I want to tell you something, but keep it cool because your blonder half is going to lose it" Zara says with a laugh. She takes a deep breath and says "You know how much I love our big, whacky, family so much and I'm so happy that I'm a Payne now too! Sometimes we put the "fun" in dysfunctional" she laughs. "And I'm glad that I'm going to help it grow..." Zara pulls back and looks at Liam's face. She smiles and puts her hands on his face. Liam opens his mouth and closes it letting a huge smile crawl up on his face. "No!" "Yes!!" Zara says "you're going to be a granddad!" Liam puts his hands on her belly and pulls her in so tight and kisses her cheek. "My daughter in law is pregnant!" "Shhhh! Liam! We want to surprise Everyone! You're supposed to be the level headed, one of us! Daddy Direction is going to be Grandaddy Direction!" Zara says and she truly is a goofy, lovely gal and really she's perfect for their Riley. "Zar, I'm really happy for you both." Liam says as he kisses her cheek. "Thank you." She beams and looks over at Riley. "He really is great, Liam and I really do love him with all my heart. I'm going to be a mum!!" Zara lets out a little excited squeal and squeezes Liam's hand and winks at him before walking over to Zayn who looks at Zara as if she's the sun and moon and stars all in one; she's his beautiful blossom and that's what Zara means in Arabic, "blossom." Zayn pretends to all be cool and tough, but really every time he's around his little baby girl he melts. He can't believe that he gets to be her father. Zayn always did have a soft heart.

Riley smiles at Niall. "Dad, what's the best advice you could give me about marriage?" "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Instead of pushing yourself to an unobtainable 'perfect,' and therefore getting nowhere, accept 'good.' Many things worth doing are worth doing badly. It's okay to make mistakes. You'll miss out on so much if you are focused on making everything perfect." Niall sits down next to his son and puts his hand on Riley's shoulder. "Don't ever let her forget that you're on her team, because you're a team now and that's a great feeling, having someone on your side. Love takes work, but your dad would tell you what he told me when he proposed to me that you have to work at a marriage, but the thing is it doesn't feel like work because you want to put in that time and effort in, even if it's making sure there's coffee in the studio or putting away laundry."

"Above all else, love the crap out of her, because you don't know how much time you've been given on this earth so make moments count. I remember Tom because I moved forward with your father who to this day will tell you he spent hours talking to him in Ireland... Don't get me started Ri, but he did talk about things only Tom would know... Annnny wayyyyy when Tom got cancer, I made every moment count. And I know we raised you right and you've got the carefree Horan blood in your veins and you're every bit the sweet, genuine and stubborn Payne. I love you, Riley, you're going to be a great husband." Niall says just as Zara comes over with Zayn, Harry, Liam, Louis, Freddie and Gigi. "Hey guys, we kind of have something we want to tell you..." Zara looks at Riley and thy both smile. "We're having a baby!" Zayn practically faints and Liam grabs Niall into his arms because he knows Niall is about to burst into happy tears. "I am too damn young to be a granddad!" Zayn yell-laughs. "Oh shut up Zee, you're 48!" Gigi playfully punches him in the arm and grips her daughter's hand tightly. And Harry and Louis sigh happily because they love babies and they can't wait to spoil little baby Payne when he or she arrives and Freddie's decided that tonight, he will drink for two because he's inherited his father's humor and cheekiness. And Riley is looking around at his family and he's never felt so calm and alive as he does right now. The future, his future, is standing right over there in a pretty white dress and she's got her hand pressed against her belly, already cradling their baby.

And right there, that's a family. If you were to take a photograph of this moment, you'd see so many ways in which we can love one another: the love of mother and daughter of father and daughter of father and son, fathers and son of two men of two best friends of soulmates in this life and beyond.

A family isn't limited to just blood relatives. We get to choose who we want to have in our circle, on our team. Your friends are the family you get to choose. We get to make our own families and that's pretty wonderful because love is love and it takes all shapes and sizes and colors because love truly is blind.

Liam looks over at his one and only son talking to his handsome husband and Riley is practically his twin, with those blue eyes and pale, freckled skin and Liam can't believe just how incredibly lucky he is... No, he's not lucky, he's loved. He doesn't need luck, he's got love... He's got, Riley, Zara, Louis, Harry, Freddie, he's even got Zayn and Gigi, but more importantly, he's got Niall and you know what they say, "into each life, a little rain must fall." But it can't rain all the time, not that a little rain could ever wash away or destroy the bond of love Niall and Liam have for one another.

**\----- The End -----**


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